Life Changes

We never started like that. We chose our own paths and our destiny sprang from that. It was our making.

Certain individuals claim life let them down, life was the cause of the suffering. What's life?

I saw them blame external sources without looking into the mirror or the soul to find answers that would have easily come if they'd have been smarter. That's what makes the realisation of truth so great. That's the quest for enlightenment.

I realised my life was in my hands and I held tightly, knowing that if I let go of this reality I'd plummet like falling bricks and never get back up again. I had to stand firm and gaze forth into this oblivion that is my fate. I can control what happens to me. I can conquer my surroundings and master my destiny.

They didn't know it but they saw that I knew. They just never felt sure as to what I knew. Staring at me they wanted to hate but I showed them love through those calm eyes of mine. They softened like the wind when summer comes and I let them into my way of thinking. They were impressed, almost inspired. I smiled with the joy that I could learn more and help more people. Surely that's to be my goal in life if nothing else.

Accidental Discoveries

I learned a lot today. I realised that no matter how much you dislike somebody's creative work you should probably keep it to yourself. Nobody wants to hear that their efforts are being disliked. I learned that forgiveness truly is power. I saw that sometimes you have to step back from something to see the true value of it.

Righteousness is the way forwards when faced with adversity. Maintaining respect towards others in social situations is important if you wish to maintain their respect for you. From feeling angry and frustrated this morning I changed my fate and ended up smiling and happy. I've seen people I haven't see in ages. It was interesting.

I've a strength that I can use. I can speak my mind and find the best way to do it. Today I've been communicating the way I wanted to and saying what I really meant. Other people have surprised me with their views but I respected them.

If you take a liking to me that's great. If you don't like me that's fine. I'm going to follow my path and pursue my goals like it's destiny. I'm through with written rants and indirect comments about people I dislike. The way forward is honesty, positivity and strength. I'll grow into something better, something stronger.

Cracking Under my own Scrutiny

I punched him in the ribs. He was already hurt from the two times I punched him there last week. I'd hit the other guy's arm so hard with my arm a large purple lump formed above the forearm flexor muscles. I knelt down, laughing in hysterics. I screamed with laughter. Rich stood over me and pointed towards the door.
"Go home." I laughed harder. Had I become what I've always hated. Am I a bully?

I joke with her and my flippant attitude gets in the way of our conversations. Does she feel like I don't appreciate her enough? Do I lack in showing her that I care? Am I that insensitive? It's all a wash of confusion and I need the remedy.

I tell people I'll do something then I don't do it. I've been proclaiming that I'll do jobs and perform favours for the people in my life. I'm so inconsistent. People must be amazed at how unreliable I am.

The truth is I gaze into space and something takes over. Something matters more than those responsibilities. I get to thinking and I find myself moving forwards. I'm driven to find something exiting and interesting to do. Before I realise what's happening it's too late to do anything constructive. It's just too late.

The emotion builds up inside me and I dive inside my mind like a tunnel. No-one penetrates this lair. No-one gets close to me. I'm at the base of the tunnel hugging a blanket. I smile and I'm responsive but it's not me. I'm merely a shell of who I want to be. I want to tell you things but something always holds me back. I'm a bundle of inhibitions, afraid I'll be too controversial for your liking. You'll hate me and it'll all be my fault. If only I'd kept my big mouth shut.


I'm walking through the park. Something takes over. I stare at the shining turquoise leaves swaying in the summer afternoon air on the elephantine trees standing taller than friendly giants. My eyes grow wider and I stop walking completely. I breathe in deeply till my chest fills out and my shoulder blades relax. I breathe out and my diaphragm contracts. I put my bag down. I'm breathing deeply, focusing on my guts and my instinct. It'll all be better soon. I can rest easy. There's a remedy I'm always searching for. The truth is I'll have to accept who I am and hope others can accept that too. I'll try and understand myself better. I have to love myself. What am I without love?

Loud and Stupid People

Some people are loud and stupid. They walk by and discuss me in the third person.
"I wish he'd put a shirt on" they say.
"He thinks he's hard just because he does martial arts" they assume. They are loud and they are stupid. I love them. I love them because they're human beings with faults. They are human.

I smile and continue. I glance at them calmly. My love conquers their hate every time. You cannot lose a fight you're not involved in.

I Am

I'm the man staying cool as everyone loses their heads. I'm the calm reflecting gentlemen on the bus smiling as people exhale violently, angry about the pouring rain. I'm the friendly guy who tells you that you look great. You really do.

I'm the kid who liked adventure games and rock music. I'm the son who purchased an orange birthday candle in the shape of the number one because it made a great gesture. I'm the cousin that respects you for who you are. I'm the boyfriend who wishes he could spend every waking hour locked in your beautiful gaze. I'm the master, the master of myself.

I'm the eagle chasing the mouse. I'm the gravity keeping you down to earth. I'm the light guiding you through the dark clouds, through murky water.

After all that I am what I truly become is simple. I'm a man. I'm fallible. I'm humble.

Teach me.

I know nothing.