Travelling Together

Ever since they'd been on the journey Maria got the feeling that Martain wasn't his usual supportive self. They'd be backpacking for a year and Maria got the feeling that he'd taken her for granted. That's it. He didn't have to try now, she thought. He'd got her now.

She'd considered preparing the flare gun from her rucksack and firing it into his smug face. That'd show the bastard. It always started as a joke to him. He'd be like
"Gary said that he liked your singing. I went, Maria can't sing" he scoffed. Maria glanced at him slowly, not knowing this insult would later creep back into her psyche to play on her mind.

I can't sing? Can't sing? I've been in a band and I can't sing? She felt like wrapping the laces from her size five boots around his red sunburned throat and throwing him off the nearest building. Right now he was walking by her side thinking about whatever he thought about in his quiet moments, probably fuel prices or Bon Jovi. It'd been days since he'd said that and she never expressed how much it had hurt.

He shot her a smile and she squinted as she smiled back. That was faker than Jodie Marsh's chest Maria thought. Why doesn't he support me any more? I remember when we first started dating. It was all
"Oh Maria, you're my everything." She suspected he'd got that line from a Barry White song but she never minded. It didn't bother her that he copied poetry from Take That songs and gave it to her on Valentines Day. At least he was being romantic. He showed how much he cared.

"Look Maria" Martain said, pointing towards a petrol station far along the dirt track.
"Mm hmm" Maria hummed, her eyes squinting harder, her smile becoming grimace.
"Fancy a bit to eat?"
"Whatever" she said. She never meant to let him know how unhappy she felt but her emotions forced her into revealing her moods. Martain span round to face Maria, his face like a child who'd just been spanked for stealing sweets.

"What's wrong with you?" Martian asked, startled. She tutted and folded her arms around her waist, better to hide the anger than let it out.
"Nothing" she sang like this was the beginning of an opera ensemble. He stared into her eyes then impatience swept over his astonished face.
"Oh don't tell me then" and with that he turned away sharply and picked up his pace.

Don't tell me? Don't fucking tell me? He just doesn't fucking care about me. We're thinking about travelling the world together and he doesn't care? She let it stew for a while as her wind swept face got redder and redder. Her lips shrank to the size of a small slice of potato and her breathing became desperate and staggered.

Halfway to the petrol station her mouth engaged before her brain could see the warning signs.
"Oh fuck you Martain" he span round, his angered face showing hints of failing passion. Before he could mouth 'what' she'd started screaming.
"Fuck you Martian" she sang in varying octaves. "I've chosen to come on this trip with you and all you ever do is bring me down. You're a joke Martian. Why can't you just support me? Why do you have to bring me down all the time?" Her face was so far forwards her body was almost at a right angle. Her fingers were stretched towards him like dragon's claws and she could feel the blood boiling inside her belly.

"W-w-what's all this about?" Martian stuttered when he got scared. Maria hadn't seen him stutter since the IRS man came calling about his tax returns. Maria had calmed on the surface but this was like a cunning ploy to manipulate his mind further. Stupid man. Her arms folded tightly.
"Look, you don't appreciate me, you never have, I don't know why I ever thought you could do. It's always about you Martian. I don't think I can go on like this." She lowered the finger she'd been involuntarily pointing towards his face. She watched as his eyes conveyed an emotion she didn't recognise. He looked shattered, like someone had whispered 'your mom's dead' into an invisible earpiece.

"Listen" Martian said, his voice softening and low. "I know things are hard out here on the road. Believe me. I find it hard. But-"
"You find it hard? What exactly do you find hard about this trip Martain? I've given up my job in accountancy, I've given up my family. What have you given up? The life of a hippy?" She watched his eyes for signs of life. He hated that word, detested the culture she associated him with.

He started to shake his head till his well fed cheeks wobbled like pink jelly.
"W-well if that's how you feel. Fine. We'll go our own separate ways." He acted like he had all the courage and conviction of a warrior. Maria saw through his amateur dramatics and recognised the little boy underneath. He was turning away but he didn't want to. He wanted her to apologise. That was his game.

She tugged at his jacket sleeve and pulled him back till they were square on at arms length. Her finger pointing at his stunned face she launched into a tirade about how he never appreciated her, how she'd always felt alone and even how he never satisfied her in bed. He looked ill by the time she'd reeled off six things. He leaned closer like a wounded soldier and stared at her with a half smile.

"Well you're just a spoilt little rich kid who never got the love from her daddy." He grinned but his triumph was short lived as Maria's half clenched fist launched itself towards Martain's chin. She clumsily missed and instead thumped his Adam's apple hard. It made a sound like someone clapping inside a shoe box.

He fell backwards onto the dusty earth and started choking. Every bit of anger fled from Maria's body as she came round like she'd been woken up from a bad dream.
"Oh my god Martain, are you all right?" Martain was staring as the little red veins in his eyes became visible. He was sticking out his tongue and clawing at his throat. He couldn't breathe.


She'd been weeping for hours as the police car pulled up alongside her and the now stone cold Martain Banks. She choked on her tears and all she could taste was salt and defeat. Two officers picked her up by her arms and led her fatigued body towards the police car as she sobbed
"I never meant to, I never, Martain!" She stamped her feet on the dirt and shook her whole body violently as another officer checked Martain's body for signs of life. Shaking his head everyone realised, there were none.

The Lights Seem Brighter In The Future

She could have let go any time she wanted. She could have opened her fingers and let the young boy slip down to the ground. She didn't. She pulled him onto the cliff face and his face changed from panic to joy. The wind blew freshly cut grass into the air and she held him close as he wept with relief. The worst was over.


Flowers grew on hill tops and clouds flew past like they were in a hurry to get somewhere. Grass sprouted from the ground like fingers reaching for the heavens. Birds laid eggs, made nests then flew away for a warmer climate.

The sea crashed against the rock face and wore it down till it was a mere pebble of it's former self. Fishes made love and produced schools. Sharks pondered their next meal.


I sat cross legged on the lighthouse balcony staring out at the vast blue space with salty air filling my nostrils. I sighed and shouted out
"Do you hear me?" I laughed out loud. I knew no-one could. I was the solitary watchman alone on this safety beacon.

The seasons passed like laughing children and I pondered my diet and my health. The ocean never changed. It was forever there for me. The gentle caress against it's brethren shore warned me that time was indeed precious. I'd seen the world and it's people. I needed to search inside for answers.

At night I'd start the lamp up and stand on the balcony just watching the dark blue-black waters illuminate under the bright light. What does the future hold for me? Death? Old age? I wasn't afraid. I'd grown to love myself and this humble abode which I'd nicknamed Mother Earth.


In my sixties I'd grown accustomed to smiling into the grey faced wrinkly man that stood before me in my reflection. He was still handsome, still dashing and wise. Was I lonely? I never thought about it. The freedom I'd gained over these watchful years had taught me to let go and realise the freedom that many would kill for.

The air felt somewhat colder on my wrinkled skin and my knees ached if I stood for too long but I was content. I could swear the bulbs grew brighter over time. I breathed hot air from the back of my throat onto my glasses and wrapped my green cardigan around my size thirty waist.

The horn blew loud and clear and I waved at the passing white ship. I couldn't see who was on it. I did know one thing. Whoever sailed past must have been pretty glad that I was here to keep them safe, or at least make them feel safe.

Missin' You

He stared across the black room at the horizontal line of orange light that partially lit the room from the bottom of the bedroom door. Maybe Sue is right. Maybe I am a wasteman. Nothing had prepared him for this, being alone in his apartment with nothing but self hate for company. She'd told him a thousand times.
'Clean your act up Mark.' The voice echoed in his head until he wanted to call out
'Stop it Sue.' He was shouting at the darkness, not even woodlice could hear him and help.

Behind the long black curtains the window blew cold air in. mark thought about walking to the window and seeing what life in the city looked like at four in the morning. The hairs on his skinny legs stood on end and shivers crept around his spine like scattered dust. He made himself get up.

The curtains pulled back easily and Mark looked down at the orange street lights. So this is what city life looks like. The pain of losing Sue made him feel the urge to scream.
'Looks like you left me now doesn't it' he laughed, more scared than amused at his own impulsive shouting.

Opening the windows wide he lifted a cold foot onto the dusty window ledge and heaved himself up using the window frame as a hand hold. I wonder what it feels like down there he wondered. Do the people walking down there wonder what it's like to be up here? The vast carpet of orange lights and white ants wandering around in wavy lines seemed hypnotic to Mark.

He stared and the giddiness that filled his rib cage moved him. He looked up to the sky before making an unconscious decision to climb to the outside of the window ledge. The wind hit his back and ruffled his white shorts and vest. The metal work felt rusty and lifeless. Staring between his brown legs he stared downwards to the floor. There's so much freedom out here. Why haven't I done this before?

Mark thought back to the bottle of sleeping pills that lay on the dresser. He remembered taking three but maybe he was a bit liberal. He blinked and blew out as a calm swept over him. What if I let go right now? What would it be like to plummet? The wind blew harder like a warning sign that falling to your death wasn't a good idea.

Maybe Sue would come back and everything would be the same again. Maybe opening the curtains would be a good idea and buying some flowers for the apartment would help. She's got to come back. He knew she wouldn't. If only he'd listened as she explained how much of a loser he was. If only he'd realised he was a loser.
'Suuuuuueeeeeeee' he called, voice aggravated and drawn. He jigged up and down using his knees for springs like an impatient child and laughed like he was whining.

It wasn't enough that she'd slept with his best friend. It wasn't enough for that bitch. She always took things from me, always wanted what I'd got. When I got that job as a security guard Sue wanted some of my wages, when I got that claim for my motorbike accident she wanted hair extensions and fake breasts. She's a fake.
'She's a fucking fake.'

His eyes widened and he knew right there he'd discovered how to move on. Sue didn't apreciate me. She never did. I'm better off without...

His hands slipping from the window ledge as a gust of wind shot past made him realise what a bad idea this was. The wind blew upwards onto his back and he fell bottom heavy. There were seven long seconds before everything went black. It was too late to make things right.

You'll Find Out

There's a darkness in me. There's a sizzling cesspit buried deep within me. Here I keep my hate and my anger. It's only in the most desperate times I let the raving beast within me free. Only chosen people see this foul monster, this withering temperament.

With pupils widening I run forth towards the group of onlookers. I'm tearing out strands of my hair and leaping through the air towards their shuffling steps, their terrified faces.
'Let this be the end of this' I scream and flick out my hands as claws spring from the tips of my fingers like bloody polished daggers.


I open my watery blue eyes and stare upwards at the blue sky. The sun is dazzling. I can barely see it. I stare at my hands. It's the dreams again. I'm so glad they're not real. What would happen if I really did hurt those people?

It dawns on me that the paradise I live in seems vast. I'm skipping along with a big grin on my face and wondering what to do. Maybe I'll make daisy chains and eat butter scones and play in the grass.

I'm skipping through the woods, my blue denim jeans falling down from my waist. I tie the loop of white string to keep them up. Why is there no-one here?

It grips me like a hurricane. The shaking leaves of the quivering bush resemble my own fear as the tall man steps out. He walks towards me as I gasp open mouthed.
'Take this' he says, passing me a single claw. I stare up at him as he chuckles like a friendly giant. 'It seems dreams aren't all poppycock like we'd choose to believe' he tells me.

I'm looking at the claw. As I look up I ask
'What does this me...' He's gone. The trees around me quake and the wind blows my blond hair awry. What does it mean?