Push Hands Combat Challenge 2

heavy power lifter 16-stone vs. 11-stone 60yr old Kung Fu Master

Push Hands Combat Challenge 1

16-stone power lifter heavy vs. 11-stone Kung Fu Master

Chi Sau Combat Challenge

16-stone power lifter heavy vs 11-stone 60yr old kung fu master

Limbs Knocking Challenge 2

16 stones power lifter heavy vs. 11 stones 60 yr old kung fu master

Limbs Knocking Challenge 1

16 stones power lifter heavy vs. 11 stones 60 yr old kung fu master

Heavy Hands Combat Challenge

16 stones power lifter heavy vs 11 stones 60 yr old kung fu master

Seeing Truths

I lean forwards. I narrow my eyes and focus, my jaw rigid, my lips pressing against each other.

There are faceparty messages in my Inbox, women's numbers in my mobile phone. I just don't have the drive to seduce women right now. What's wrong with me? I look deep into my eyes. You still fucking love her. I relax my facial features and my mouth opens. I'm still in love with her.

I wipe the kitchen side with a damp woolen cloth. I place blue and white coffee mugs on the wooden shelf. I close the half painted wooden door. I sigh.

If I ever have any revelations I make sure I write them down. There's a place I like to go and let off steam. It's a place where there are always listeners. I run my mouse pointer over the link that says 'blogger.'

Everything Holds Significance

I naturally project my voice as I order a my sandwich. Maybe I sound a little too loud.
'Six inch BMT please.'

'I'm looking for a movie called 28 weeks, it's got Sandra Bullock in it.' The wiry bald guy taps the keyboard with his index fingers. He leans towards the screen. 'Actually it might be 28 days.' He tells me there's one in stock and it costs five pounds. 'I'll take it.'

I wonder if what I'm wearing looks okay to other people. I'm flicking a feather off my new jumper. I shuffle my feet in my new shoes. I'm comfortable with my personal style. I'll develop it to my tastes. I don't care if anyone else likes it.

I'm waiting at the bus stop. The number one three five pulls in. A guy walks past me. He stops, turns to face me and looks me dead in the eye.
'You wanting this one mate?'
'No. Thank you.' The guy stands and stares at me. I straighten up and lift my chin. Why is he doing this? He looks away. A blond woman pushes a pram past me like she's angry. She's like
'Don't move out'ert way will yer!' I raise my eyebrows. I can't believe it. 'Excuse me' is a well known phrase. It's just a basic communication skill. What am I supposed to do? Read the guy's mind? Be fully aware of who's behind me at every moment? I look around me. I hate this part of town. It's somewhere I'd rather avoid. I've always boycotted the castle markets.

A scruffy guy asks me
'Does the forty eight go to east bank road?' I look up and think.
'Yeah, near the...'
'Near the pub?'
'The earl marshal? Yeah it goes up there.' The guy sees the bus and a half smile forms on his handsome face. You can't see he's handsome unless you look really closely, his features are hidden behind a thick blond beard. His head is covered partly by matted blond hair. I walk onto the bus. The bus driver smiles. I'm smiling back thinking how refreshing, most bus drivers look angry or depressed.

I sit behind the blond guy. He's wearing the same type of brown leather slip on shoes that my granddad wore ten years ago. His jacket looks seven years old. He must be homeless. Maybe he's not. Who knows?

The bus turns at the bottom of the moor. We pull in near the moorfoot tavern to let people get on. I look to my right as I always do on the forty eight. I stare at the moorfoot tavern. It's a time capsule. Look at how those guys outside the pub are dressed. It's all skater trainers and leather jackets, jeans that don't quite fit. They're smoking and clasping pints with their free hands. Everything in life holds significance. I know I can learn something new about life everyday. it's just seeing the beauty that hides beneath the surface that poses a challenge.

She's Gone

I slouched in the passenger seat. I breathed in, the smell of hot leather filling my nostrils. Football statistics blared out of the surround sound speakers. I squinted past the sunlight to the horizon. What does the future hold for me? I'll never be happy again. I'm nineteen and I've lost everything.

My granddad spoke in an inpatient tone.
'Is she worth it?' I bit my lip and looked to my left. He spoke with anger. 'Is she worth it?'
'No' I spoke without thinking.
'What?'
'No, she's not worth it.' The words left my tongue. I'm rubbing my chin with my hand. She's not worth it. I forced a smile and wriggled upright in the leather seat. My granddad said
'You've got to move on with life, you can't let things get you down.' He's right, I know he's talking sense.

Spirals of Inspiration

Let's see our inner demons as adversaries that we can overcome so it makes us stronger.
A smile from an attractive woman, the taste of refrigerated Fanta on a hot day, making a stranger laugh, let's cherish these moments.
We'll make our own rules in life.
If anyone says we can't do it we'll pretend to listen but in our minds we'll know we can make it.

Seven thirty wake up call.
Smell the sun hitting the night's raindrops on the limp blades of grass.
Strong body, strong existence.
We train because we feel we need to be stronger.
Reaching the pinnacle of robust effort we thank ourselves for putting challenge in our lives.

I take a deep breath and look at my achievements.
If you never told yourself that you did well you'd never feel that pride that drives you to do more.

Let's kiss like lips are new to us, love like it's our first time.
Let's not hate others but try to understand them and their flaws.
Let us sit up straight and show the world what we stand for.
March forwards in life.
All that is in front of us is ours, like a story we create through personal choices.

Broken Bottles

He looks back at his clichéd attempt at romance. What an idiot. He pictures her smiling as he hands her a gift. I haven't shaved in days. He walks to the wash basin and leans on it with his hands. I look angry. He starts to cough, reaching in his trouser pocket. He pulls out a box of Marlborough cigarettes. He watches himself lighting the cigarette.
'You look like shit.'

He scrubs his white vest with his black toothbrush. The bake bean stains won't come out. He throws his vest on the dry wooden floorboards. He walks into the kitchen. He opens the fridge but stares in disappointment. It looks like I'm eating another microwave meal.

It's been a year since the break up.
'Angela' he says aloud, surprising himself. He runs his fingers through his straggly black hair. He breathes in and looks back in his mind's eye.

She'd been the sunlight of my day. With her around food tasted sweeter. She made me want to listen to summer time hits. She'd inspire me to throw a picnic. She'll be pursuing her dance career right now. All I'm doing is masturbating twice a night.

The pill bottle sits on the dining room table, a bottle of whiskey in the dusty kitchen cupboard. It creeps into his mind a hundred times over. Do I have the balls? Is it really be worth it? Will people get the message?

He throws the tub of paracetamol into the waste paper bin and pours whiskey into the sink. He lathers shaving gel into a creamy white foam. He applies it to his face with his fingers, making ant-clockwise circles. He pats his face with a fluffy white towel. Look how pale I am. I look three years younger.

He grabs his house keys and walks out of the door clutching a handful of papers. He locks the door and turns to face the world. It's time for people to see my CV. A pretty blond woman smiles at him as they make eye contact. The sun pokes its head out from behind a cloud. He smiles. It's been a long time since I've used those three muscles. Maybe things are looking up.

Gimme that Muesli

I'm putting one foot in front of the other. The thick green grass feels like soft carpet. I stop to let cars pass. A man looks out of the passenger side window. We make eye contact. I relax and look away. I stroll merrily across the road.

My internal monologue guides my mind. Any awkwardness between you and another human being, let it go. Any weird or distracting thoughts, let them go. Relax, let your mind work by itself. If you come across any problems or obstacles just trust yourself to deal with them.

I walk into the freezer shop. The two women wearing blue tunics gape at me like crows looking at a diamond. I grab a blue basket.
'What's the minimum-' What am I saying? 'purchase for a card transaction?'
'Three pounds' the young girl with long brown hair and blue eyes tells me. Damn, I can't do that. I have a pound on my Halifax account.

I pick up two pizzas, a chicken curry and some muesli. I've recently become a fan of muesli. I get the kind with nuts and raisins in it. It's very healthy. I walk to the checkout. How can I make this interaction interesting?
'You look bored' I say. they burst out laughing. the older one with her hair tied up looks a little embarrassed. The younger one says
'Yeah, you are on two hours sleep.' think Danny think, what next?
'You dirty stop out, you've been hitting the night clubs haven't you?' She nods. She's like
'Yeah' and she's smiling.

Cue a spiky haired guy in a silky white shirt and black tie. He's clearly the manager. He looks at the two women and says
'Was that short enough for ya?' I wonder what he means.
'How you doing mate?' He pauses like he's thinking of a response. I know exactly what he'll say, he always says it. 'You'll be better at five?' He relaxes
'You know me too well.' You don't get your local supermarket manager saying that to you every day. 'I have to time myself going for a pee now.'
'That's some extreme bladder control' I say. The young woman hands me my receipt. I walk out of the shop and they say goodbye.

If you look in someones eyes and it's awkward, relax. let yourself be yourself totally and truly. I need to blog this. Quick before I forget. I pick up my pace till it looks like I'm speed walking.

Waiting was the Answer

Their lips met. They pulled at each other, edging closer on the soft mattress. He rolled his body on top of hers. He pressed his lips against hers. She pressed back. Neither was sure who was leading. They stroked each other's hair and let their hands wander over skin and cloth.

Her breathing was deep and staggered. Her head was dizzy. She let out a quiet moan. He nibbled her ear lobe and bit her neck gently. She let her hands roam over his back and down to his belt. He planted kisses on her breasts, her abs, in between her legs. She clawed at his hair as he worked his way back up to her lips.

They writhed like two eels in a loving embrace, kissing and caressing.
'Do you want to get under the covers?' She stopped kissing him, her eyes still closed. He waited for an answer. A short pause then
'I want to but I'm not sure if I should.' He looked around the room.
'If you want me to slow down I will.' She kissed him and he kissed her. He was gentle and cautious.

He wasn't sure what her answer would be. He didn't want to put pressure on her.
'We can take things slow if you like.' If I show her that I can be patient she'll feel respected.
'Part of me wants to say yeah let's do it, the other part wants to... You know, take it slow'
'That's cool, we can take it slow.' He kissed her lips and pulled away. She turned onto her stomach and he lay beside her. They watched the PC screen.

She said
'This turned out to be a good movie, I'll definitely recommend it to people,' he laughed.
'Yeah wedding crashers, tell them about the complex plot twists.' She started to chuckle.
'Yeah, I especially like the middle bit, might watch this again just for that part.' He smiled. He knew what she meant.
'Yeah it was a great climax.' He put his arm around her and she turned onto her side, her back facing him. They were silent for a good minute. The room felt hot to him. Maybe it wasn't just the central heating.

The Overprotective Brummie

Danny, Peach, Brad, Ben and two young girls watch as I dance around on the fifth step. I stand on the edge of the step and stare at the wall. I take a deep breath. I scream out loud and leap through the air. I land on the face of the wall with my hands and feet and then climb up. Everyone claps and cheers. Ben shakes my hand. Brad says
'That looks fucking massive on camera.' He shows me the video. I'm grinning.

A muscular guy in a tight Grey T-shirt approaches us. He looks straight at me. I look at him, waiting for what he has to say. He speaks in a Birmingham accent.
'What you doing mate?' I keep a calm tone.
'Parkour'
'Well fuck off, this is private property,' even though he's making a statement his tone of voice rises at the end of his sentence.
'Okay' I say, still calm.
'What are you doing?' His voice rises in pitch as he asks the question.
'Parkour' I speak loud and clearly in a patient tone.
'Well fuck off'
'Fine' I say. I start walking towards the other end of the car park. The guy walks in the same direction, staying about two meters away.
'This isn't a youth club,' oh now you're just insulting my intelligence. I try to sound as genuine as my voice will allow. I put on a really shocked, innocent face.
'Oh this isn't a youth club?'
'Don't be cocky twat' he says. I look at him calmly. He breaks eye contact.
'Yeah okay' I say in a non impressed tone of voice. He swaggers towards me, sticking out his chest.

I put Ninety percent of my bodyweight onto my back leg. I keep ten percent of my body weight on my front leg and lift my heel off the floor so my toes are resting on the ground. This is the false leg stance. It's the stance for snake style kung fu. I look straight at him and allow my peripheral vision to watch his movements closely. He leans his bodyweight forwards but seems reluctant. His voice is whiney and repetitive.
'What are you doing?' Does this guy have any communication skills whatsoever?

I wait for a punch, maybe a kick. If he kicks I lift my font leg up. If he punches I lean back and absorb the impact of his punch with a flurry of blocks. I don’t know what’ll happen then. I'll think on my feet. I hold my right arm out towards the area where my bag is with my palm facing him.
'I'm gunner get my bag'
'Yeah fuck off, this is private property.' He's repeating himself now. He turns away from me. I speak to him in a really nice, optimistic voice.
'Right, see yer.' I stick my chest out and pull my shoulders back. I'm not trying to look tough. If he launches at me I want to make sure I'm ready. He looks back but can’t seem to hold eye contact with me. He walks up a flight of stairs. I walk towards my bag.

I notice the guy leaning against a rail on the raised platform. That's right mate. Keep your distance.
'Is this yours Danny?' I lift the white jacket up into the air. Little Danny’s laughing about something.
'What?' Danny gives me a blank face.
'Is this jacket yours?'
'Yeah thanks.' I let the group walk out of the steel gate then I close it. I wave to the guy, who himself is staying very quiet. I shout as loud and as nicely as I can.
'See you mate, nice to meet you.’

'He's a bit rude int he?' Peach asks, sounding surprised.
'Oh he's just,' a bitch, a psycho 'scared of confrontation. He's scared of us. That's why he has to be overly aggressive. He thinks if he’s scary enough then we'll be scared and won’t say anything back.' Peach smiles,
'You love sociology don't you Danny?'
'Yeah I love it' I admit, 'I feed on it.'
'I'm surprised you dint knock him out, he came storming towards you like' Peach puckers up his lips and moves his torso from side to side.
'It wasn't necessary; he insulted me then looked away and didn't make eye contact. I was on my back foot; if he wants to do something I'm ready for it.'

Brad pipes up with
'Watch out if you see Danny on his back leg,' I chuckle to myself with a big grin on my face. I handled that well. I explain
'A good one is to raise your palms like this,' I lift my palms and point them away from my body, 'showing your palms shows you're not aggressive, also at the same time you're ready to block.'
'Or knock him out' adds Peach.
'Whatever' I say. We walk towards West Street.

'There's no need to be like that though, getting in your face and swearing like that' complains Peach.
'Well I'm being totally nice, he’s being totally aggressive, he's in the wrong.'
'Well technically we're in the wrong, trespassing' Peach argues.
'Yeah, you know, people are so protective over their walls and rails'
'Yeah, so what if you've got a nice flat man?'
'You've got to feel sorry for people like that, they're so scared of confrontation, he saw, well I wasn't scared, he didn't know what to do, or how to react.' Peach laughs and I relax. Let’s forget this. We make our way towards the next training spot.

It's Coming

She flips open her phone.
'I have to text my mate. She said she'd ring me if I gave her the signal. That's if you were a psycho, but your not, you gave me a flower, your not a psycho, are you?' She stares into my eyes.
'I can be, yes' I say, nodding slowly and blinking.
'What?' She whispers. Her mouth opens slightly.
'I can be a bit of a psycho yes,' I relax and look at her face. She relaxes.
'I'll take my chances' she says, looking back down at her phone.

The music plays. I love these funky beats. I order a corona and lime for her and a pint of Carling for myself. We walk to the top deck with me leading the way.

She's magnetic. I tell her
'You make quite intense eye contact.' We don't break eye contact for more than thirty seconds at a time. We're chatting and drinking our beers.

I'm feeling light headed from my pint. My eyes adjust to the dark room. All her facial features turn into one expression. I feel like we’re connecting on a deep level.

I can tell she's ready for the first kiss. I think she knows it's coming too. She’s holding eye contact for more than five seconds. She looks away. Her smile turns into a shy frown. She takes a moment then looks back at me with a smile. She holds eye contact again. I think she's trying not to show it. I know I can go for the kiss but I want to wait. I want this to feel right.

I'm grinning because I know It's coming soon. I consider saying
'You're beautiful, I'm gunner kiss ya' but I think I'll just go for it. We keep chatting, bouncing from one topic to a joke then back to flirtatious banter. I can sense she's waiting for the kiss. Her eyes seem to call out 'just do it already’. I wait and sip my drink. I lick my lips when she’s reaching for her bottle.

I can't remember if it's me or her leading the conversation. I make that initial commitment. I lean forwards. She looks up into my eyes. Her eyes start to close. I close my eyes. Our lips touch.

We allow our lips to communicate with each other. I feel her hand touch my arm and I lift my hand to her cheek. Her tongue ventures out then back in. After several tests with our tongues they finally meet. They touch lightly before pulling away. I know what happens now.

I pull away slowly. She takes a deep breath. I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth. I feel dizzy, drowsy even.
'That was well worth the wait' I tell her. The corners of her mouth curve into a smile. We sit back. Now that's over and done with we can truly relax. We both know it's going to happen again. This time we know that we both want it to.

Learn

Never let anyone tell you that you can't achieve your dreams.
Insults are attacks.
People who insult others are insecure.
There are people who will try and piss you off.
Remember this.
When someone tries to piss you off and you allow yourself to get angry they win the game.
Stay calm.
Deal with people in a civil manner.

Go For It

I look over my floordrobe. I pick up a shirt and do a smellcheck. This place is a shit tip. I pick up clothes and fold them into piles. I throw bits of paper into the bin. If I have an orderly flat I'll have an orderly mind.

I think back to yesterday. We were downstairs in the recording studio. Pete introduced me as a 'white rapper' to a student. He shook my hand and was very anxious to show me his material. He played me a beat. I liked it. Pete told him to come up and have a listen. Another guy and girl looked at me in surprise.
'You're rapping?' I smiled.
'Yeah, come and have a listen if you like.'

I didn't know how they would they react. Pete played the song we'd been working on for two hours. The girl sat with an entertained look in her eye. The two guys bumped there heads and a grin came across their faces. I had to hide my pride. I kissed the girls cheek and shook the guy’s hands. Back to work it is.

Back to my room. The walls need painting again. I need to get on that. The come in, sit at PC desk and eat cycle must be broken.

Sheffield Parkour Training Diary Episode 13

Anger and Misplacement

I wait for my bus. I watch a child standing on a wall across the road. The wall's about his height. His mother holds his hand. I watch him jump off the wall. I gape at his legs as they buckle. The kid should have rolled. I'm so disgusted. I almost laugh at myself. If I had a kid he'd know how to land. He'd be the Parkour kid.

My mind goes into a story scenario. There's a kid training for Parkour. He trains at age three. He trains at age ten. He's twenty five and he's an amazing athlete. People watch on in awe as he leaps from one high roof to another. I blink and shake my head. My bus is here.

I'm walking through the markets. I hear a guy talking. He's using an expletive as every other word. Ah swearing I think to myself, a clear indication of a limited vocabulary.

I'm standing in a horse stance. I look to my left and see three Asian guys. They look like they're about twenty years old. They look like cocky geezers to me. They're looking at me like I'm an act and they think its whack. I watch them as they walk down the stairs.

I know they're dyeing to say something. I turn to Will,
'Look it's our new friends,' Will looks confused. 'These guys are our new friends'
'Are they?'
'Yeah,' I know they can hear me. I'm giving them an opening. They approach me. I look at the guy wearing black gloves. I'm not wearing a shirt. The sun is fire hot.

'What's that mate?' He asks. I get the feeling he couldn't care less.
'It's horse stance mate,'
'Err?' He says, nodding upwards and giving me a blank face. His eyes roam the floor like he's looking for something to say. His two friends sweep round and they all stand in front of me. I stay in my stance.


I tell them 'It's the basic skill for kung fu, it's called a horse stance because it looks like you're riding a horse, it builds up the thigh and knee muscles,' I grab my thigh then my knee to add emphasis. Like a pre-rehearsed routine the guy to the right, obviously the alpha-male of the three says
'You know what mate? You look like a faggot.' He nods his head forwards like a chicken as he says the word faggot. I smile quite genuinely. My eyes open wide and I laugh out loud. His face changes to one of disappointment. He avoids making eye contact.
'Thanks' I say in a loud friendly voice. Shit, I can't think of anything witty to say. The three guys are turning and walking away.

I'm standing there with a beaming smile on my face. He looks back.
'A faggot man!'
'Right yeah' I say quickly. They walk away, half cocky, half confused about what to do next. I watch them walk thirty yards away from me. Now they're staring back. I make sure I follow them with my eyes. They keep looking back. I don't turn away. I watch them walk out of sight. If they say want to say something else I'm right here.

Anger builds up inside me in the form of negative energy. I breathe and let it all out. Will takes the brunt of my frustration.
'See how they turned away after insulting me? Why insult someone and then turn away? They can't stand to see me react. It shows they're insecure. They're scared. Sometimes I wish they'd just throw a punch so I could block it,' I punch into the air to show what I mean. 'I hate guys like that. They really piss me off. I never start a fight but I'd be more than happy to have one with those guys.' Will nods and I look around. No-one's listening. It’s time to calm down. I focus on directing my body weight downwards.


With hindsight things are clear. This is how the story will run if the same situation arises again. I see some sarcastic guys looking at me as if I'm some kind of crazy person. I stay calm and quiet. If they shout something I stay silent. If any guys approach me and I think they are looking for trouble here's my coping strategy.
'What the hell you doin' man?' I shoot them a look.
'What am I doing?' I wait for a sign of comprehension. If I get a
'Yeah man, what you doin'?' I will explain
'It's a martial arts exercise.' I wait for a further sign of interest.

I figure out if they're for real. Sometimes people express a genuine interest in what we're doing. Some people are just out to take the piss. If they insult me by saying something along the lines of
'You look like a faggot' I'll be like
'Okay' and I'll leave it at that. If anyone invades my intimate space then I will deal with them physically. The main issue is dealing with people's aggression in a way you can feel good about. Learn from your experiences Danny. Show people that you are an intelligent and civil human being.

The Moral: If you want your life to change you must change. If we want to change the way people treat us we must change the way we react to things.

My Area

Winter sky gray concrete.
Pigeons riding the waves of air that flow through dusty corners and cigarette-strewn patches of yellow grass.
Single mothers, men with baseball caps.
I love it here.
Trees and fields surrounding us.
Our towers visible for miles.
It's like a castle, standing strong on a hill top.
Close up you see shards of shattered beer bottles.
Someone's set the reception area on fire again.
Coal black walls resemble last summers paint work, chipped and bubbled.
Maybe if I walk with a good posture I'll be free.
Maybe people know this.

Seven Hours in the Life of Danny Wood

I stare out of the window. A dog howls at the front of the bus. He's nervous. Wonder if he thinks he's being kidnapped, taken somewhere he'd rather not see.
'Any requests?' Says the dog owner trying to make a joke.

A man walks slowly past me with a walking stick. He edges towards the post box. He stops. I look at him. He seems to be moving in slow motion. Is he able to post the letter? Do I help him? He snaps into action. The letter slides into the post-box.

Five young guys cross the road. I wait for my bus. They watch me as they walk past. I'm trying to be Mr No Ego. I try to smile. The guys grin as I watch them. I adjust my posture. I stand tall. You are your posture. How you stand is how you interact with the world.

'Morning' says Carl rotating his hips. I put my bag down. I pick a pair of orange trousers and a yellow T-shirt from the brown suitcase. I put on my best English accent.
'I think afternoon would be the correct pronunciation.' Carl and James laugh out loud. We get changed.

I'm in Chesterfield. Shelly rings me. I try to explain exactly where we are. She tells me she's confused.
'You're confused? I'm in your city, how do you think I feel?' David laughs. She's telling me that she's sitting in the sunshine somewhere in Zante.
'You just like sending me pictures of you in your bikini don't you? You're just a poser at heart.'
'I am not a poser' she moans.
'You are' I argue with her. I tell her that we're here to do a lion dance. I cut the conversation short as Nicky's parking the car.

The salsa dancer is beautiful. Everything about the way she moves screams out sexy. I watch her. I realize I'm staring. I look away. I lick my lips. I sneak a look when I think no-one's watching. Her white skirt waves as she spins on the balls of her feet. She's older than me, so hot.
'I might take up salsa dancing in Chesterfield' I tell the team.
'Why don't you, you start salsa dancing in Sheffield? You know what I mean?' Carl stutters. He's the only Chinese guy I know with an Irish accent. He smiles and his face shines.
'Because the lady in the pink top isn't teaching in Sheffield,' a short pause then it sinks in. Everybody laughs.
'Oh right.'

A tall black guy with a black shirt asks everyone to come forward and dance. I comment on how sexy the guy sounds.
'I'm gunner emulate him' I admit. I try out my most seductive voice, 'hey baby, I wanna cash this cheque.'
'Come on you lion dancers,' he makes hand gestures like tiger claws. 'I wanna see some lion dancing.' He bites thin air. I look at my feet. A big I'm embarrassed grin fills my face.

David starts walking and I follow him. Why not? I remember a movie explaining an interesting fact about dancing. Women look at your dancing ability. If you're good at dancing then they imagine you to be good in bed. I'm not sure how true that is. Make this good Danny. Just act like you know what you're doing.

We step to the left and sway our hips. We spin on our toes and clap twice. We step forwards and backwards. Do you think anyone will think less of me if I admit that I'm actually enjoying this? The sexy music plays and we dance. We'll be on soon.

The Drummer starts hitting the huge drum. Nicky bashes the gong with his wooden drumstick. NG hits the symbols together. I'm tense. I go like this every time we dance. It's all fun and laughter then it slaps you. The drums are beating. Now it's focus time. Carl and Danny 'little lion' NG are first in the lion costume. They become the lion.

The lion dances around in front of the crowd. It shakes its ass and breathes deeply. It blinks and steps around playfully. Little girls giggle and cringe as the lion peruses them. A teenager dressed in black grins as the lion tries to steal his can of coke.

Jimmy has the red gown on and the Buddha helmet. He wafts a fan in the air and guides the lion. Buddha turns to David and me. He gestures in a 'come here' kind of way with the fan. David looks at me and I meet his stare. It's on.
'Oh right, is that us?'
'Must be' I proclaim. We walk swiftly towards the huge dancing lion.

I grab hold of the tassels on either side of the costume and position the tail over my ass. David starts moving around with swift footwork. He steps left, I step left. He walks forwards and I walk forwards. We walk towards the stage. It's a foot high. David jumps onto the stage. I jump up and stamp my feet down. We dance around a little.

David walks to the edge of the stage. I know what's coming. This either goes well or it's all wrong. He balances on his right leg. His left leg strokes the side of the stage three times. I copy him. After three strokes we jump from the stage. We land at the same time. We roll onto our backs then stand straight up into a horse stance. The crowd cheer. I get a warm feeling in my heart.

'You were very good' a little girl tells me.
'Thanks' I say. I pack the gong and symbols into the zip up bag. A woman with Grey hair approaches me. She asks me if we do schools. I point at Jimmy and she asks Jimmy the same question. Jimmy points to someone near the stage. The woman walks towards a guy with a Grey goatee and a ponytail.

I carry the heavy instrument bag. James and Carl roll the drum with the lion's head resting on top. Jimmy opens the boot of his golden car. I look at a wall and run up and over it with speed. I walk around the wall. David's like
'Bet you couldn't do that back the other way, nah, bit high.'
'That's fine' I tell him. Jimmy's like
'Don't do it.' I'm in parkour mode instantaneously. I run fast and pop over the wall. I'm in the air for a moment. I land and slap the floor. I walk casually around the wall. I notice everyone's looking at me like they're in amazement. That seemed pretty easy to me.

Will replies to my text message. They're at the English department. I walk up the road practicing some of my song lyrics out loud. I walk across the roof. I see blue ropes hanging from a tree. Dave's here. I walk to the end of the roof and see Dave, Ben and Will. I walk slowly and confidently. I pause for a moment as people look at my face.
'Now that's an entrance!'

Dave walks off.
'I saw Dave as I was on the bus earlier, he looked miserable, that was at the beginning of the day, now he looks even more miserable.' Shane's explaining to me how the group have been getting into a few disputes with members of the public. I stop him to give my input. 'Anytime someone's having a go at you don't argue. Just pretend to be really nice and agreeable but do it in a sarcastic way. If they're like well that's stupid just nod and say yes it is, you stay calm and it's a really good way to piss people off.' I laugh at myself. The guys don't seem too impressed with my words of wisdom.

I'm doing stretches. I'm reaching into the stretch. I've progressed since the last time I stretched. I run fast. I kick off the stone slab. I'm flying though the air. I land on the red brick wall with my hands and feet.
'Nice one' shouts Ben sounding genuinely impressed.

I hang onto the window ledge and think about jumping to the next one up. A blonde woman with a tanned face sticks her head out of the window and shouts
'Excuse me but can you get away from our wall?' I drop down onto my feet. Oh it's her wall. She owns the wall. Piffle! I put my hands on my hips and smirk as I walk away. I look back twice and each time she looks more pissed off at my calm reaction.

We're chatting. A door opens. It's the same woman. I think she's hot but her attitude really lets her down. Her voice is high and tense.
'Can you move away from this area please?' Well at least she said please. A guy with a shaved head stands next to her. He stares at us, trying to seem tough. He stands like a personal bodyguard seeing off a threat. He mutters something under his breath. I stare at them. I'm not letting them get the better of me. I can't help feeling intimidated by the way they're standing.

I stay quiet, a half grin on my face. I wave nicely and turn away. I remember hearing someone say that people aren't scared of loud people. They're scared of quiet people. As long as I stay quiet I have the upper hand. We walk away and I keep looking back at the guy in his overbearing stance. Rage sweeps though my body and I have to breathe heavily to compensate for it. I want to say something. Common sense tells me to keep quiet.

'He's still there' says Ben. We look back. We're a good one hundred yards away.
'Bye' shouts Shane at the top of his voice. He's waving sarcastically.
'What would you do if he just came running at us now?' Ben asks. Here's an opportunity to say something.
'I'd take great pleasure in watching him run up then maybe plant one on his chin. You can be a civil human being, there's no reason to be aggressive like that.'

Two minutes later and I'm still thinking about it. Sense breezes through the cloud of anger in my mind. My words reflect my calm exterior.
'These people who act really aggressive are the ones who are really scared of confrontation. They're like that so you can't come back with anything. You have to feel sorry for them really. People who aren't scared of confrontation react differently, you never see me losing control of my temper do you?'
'That sounded like the lyrics of a song' Shane tells me. I'm like
'Well I am a songwriter so of course it's gunner sound like song lyrics.'
'I'm gunner look that up on song lyrics dot com when I get home.' With that I run forwards and vault a rail. I weave myself in and out of handrails doing various moves and spins.

I write in my pad. I tell Shane I'm gathering ideas for today's blog entry.
'So you're actually going to make a good blog today?' He gives me a big false grin and tilts his head to one side. I smile. Let it go Danny. Let it go.

I walk towards my bus top. Shit. I always think of the witty response afterwards. If he says that again I'll tell him that some of his pictures are crap but I don't say anything. Damn. Why didn't I think of that earlier? I let the thought leave my mind. How very childish. What a great day.

An Interesting MSN Transcript

MSN contact says:
have u ever thought of making your own pizzas?
D a n n y says:
not really
D a n n y says:
what an idea!
MSN contact says:
its easy to make!
D a n n y says:
I just aint got the dough
MSN contact says:
oh dear..what did i just do !
D a n n y says:
haha
D a n n y says:
putting ideas there
D a n n y says:
I could sell them?
MSN contact says:
oooo yea Danny's Parkour Pizzas
D a n n y says:
haha, it'll be jumpin fresh (the slogan)
MSN contact says:
Oooooo yea very good!
MSN contact says:
i can picture it now..pizza box cover, u in the middle of two buildings doin a jump with a spinning pizza on your finger
D a n n y says:
that's the shot right there, call the press, 'if you want a quick delivery, try the parkour pizza'
MSN contact says:
haha impressive!! thats the money shot!
D a n n y says:
Yo I'm gunner be rolling in it, free noodle inn for all!
MSN contact says:
wooop wooop
MSN contact says:
u need to get kneading!!!
D a n n y says:
yep, I'll get some buckets and make the dough
MSN contact says:
remember your mates wen u got your chain of restaurants!
D a n n y says:
We'll need people to work, good pay obviously
MSN contact says:
obviously.
MSN contact says:
need incentives too
D a n n y says:
and someone to test all the new pizzas out
MSN contact says:
that would be me
D a n n y says:
haha, it'll be great
MSN contact says:
BUT
MSN contact says:
what my incentives
D a n n y says:
Free pizza anytime day or night, plus free drinks when you're working, choice of uniform provided by company and you can have a pizza named after you
MSN contact says:
free pizza anytime day or night, does that mean you'll make it on the spot on demand
D a n n y says:
yeah, like subway but with pizzas
D a n n y says:
Yous see the toppings go on
MSN contact says:
yeaaaa
MSN contact says:
sounds good my own personal chef..pizza chef
D a n n y says:
Nah, after the first grueling three years I hire Garcon, a black boy from sierra leone, I train him up to be the master chef and he makes us famous with his pizza design ideas, then he helps other refugees in Sheffield by promoting our restaurant as a multicultural restaurant
MSN contact says:
so u sayin you'd hang up your pizza apron?
D a n n y says:
I'll have to eventually, I have to go for therapy for my unhealthy pizza addiction, my therapist bans me from going within 20 yards of another pizza, Garcon offers to quit school but we won't let him, so I have to hire young graduate students to keep the restaurant going while I fight with my addiction
MSN contact says:
haha u make me chuckle!
D a n n y says:
I entertain myself don't worry haha
MSN contact says:
i dont wanna know!!
MSN contact says:
all this pizza talk aint healthy me thinks
D a n n y says:
nah, I'm going to put a pizza in now
MSN contact says:
HAHA
D a n n y says:
'GARCON!'
D a n n y says:
He's here
MSN contact says:
really?
MSN contact says:
u test drivin him?
D a n n y says:
yeah well he's here illegally but I'm teaching him the true meaning of cheese and tomato
MSN contact says:
HAHA
MSN contact says:
does he get any other food?
D a n n y says:
Well I try to offer him a balanced diet, so he wakes up to a regime, we have weetabix and fruit for breakfast and for lunch we make sandwiches and talk on the veranda for hours about the restaurant design, in three long years he's gone from non-speaking child to young adult, under my watchful eye he will achieve great things
MSN contact says:
well done, bet your proud!
D a n n y says:
I am, I'm teaching him basic linguistics and how to write, I give him every third blog on my website and he cooks up a storm, I tell him what happened and he types his little heart away, it brings a tear to my eye to think of how far he's come from a shanti town in the most dangerous province of his country
MSN contact says:
haha so will u be recruiting more people from his home town
D a n n y says:
Yes well we're going on a pilgrimage, I'll pack a suitcase and we'll head into his home town, he has a little brother, Francois, and a sister of whom we have no record of since her disappearance at age three, after spotting her on a recent BBC documentary Garcon is more than eager to find his sibling, he cried with joy that night 'Ellanor' he cried 'I've finally found you'
MSN contact says:
haha OMG
MSN contact says:
how old is Garcon?
D a n n y says:
He's going on fourteen
D a n n y says:
His sister will be about the same age
MSN contact says:
slave labour or what
MSN contact says:
they twins?
D a n n y says:
Well sort of, Garcon was born and three days later his sister was born, he doesn't like the term 'twins' it upsets him
MSN contact says:
haha why is that?
D a n n y says:
He thinks the term should be used for siblings who live together, every time I said 'Garcon, we will find your twin' he'd start with the tears 'Danny, I don't like this "twin" you say, I hate it that Ellanor and me aren't together, why did the authorities take her? Why couldn't she make parkour pizzas like me' I pat him on the head and hug him. Little man don't know how to feel
MSN contact says:
awww you'll have to give him a hug and peck from me
D a n n y says:
I will, little lad's heating the oven, I'll tell him you said hi
MSN contact says:
yes please do
MSN contact says:
does he do the cleaning and fluff ur bed up etc
D a n n y says:
Not really, I leave him to his space, even though the sofa folds out he prefers to sleep on a roll of bamboo 'Strengthens the back' he always tell me, I say 'you're crazy, but I admire your courage' he always finds little ways to make me laugh
MSN contact says:
interestin..u should try sleepin on bamboo
D a n n y says:
nah, don't think I've got the resilience
D a n n y says:
Haha I'm publishing this in my blog
MSN contact says:
LOL

I Love My Nike Darts

Sheffield Parkour Training Diary Week 12/Critters!

Be Strong to be Useful

I'm walking past the Mecca bingo. I stop and turn around. I can hear this beeping noise. I look at the woman in the blue suit. She's scanning a card over a sensor. It's making a loud noise every time she swipes it. A red light flashes. I walk towards her. A ringing sound comes from a speaker in the gate.
'Having problems getting in?' She tells me her card isn't working. 'I can let you in if you like' I say. She asks me if I have a card and I shake my head. 'Nope.'

'I'm sorry but we have no internal control over this door. You'll have to walk round.' She looks at me. Her eyes are all wide and expectant. I vault the hand rail. I lower myself down.
'If you wait here I’ll be one sec.' I drop four metres into the car park. I vault a rail. I run up two flights of stairs. The woman looks on open mouthed. I'm pressing the open button. I open the door.

'How did you do that?' She asks me like she's amazed.
'I just train a lot' I say. I grab my bag and walk away.
'It's good to see there's some chivalry left' she tells me. I tell her its okay. It's good to put my parkour skills to use.

Easy Mate

I stare into the black space. I roll onto my back. I start chuckling to myself. I whisper
'I need to blog' and rub my face. I pull back the sheets. 'Oh fuck getting out of this bed.' Why did I open the door and the window? What the fuck! Its freezing.

I pour a big heap of coffee into a large Tigger mug. Usually I'd be cringing. I'd be looking back on my drunken behaviour worrying about all the things I'd said. I'd be replaying events out loud without even realising it. I'd look at my behaviour and I'd tell myself that it wasn't acceptable.

It's half five. I'm thinking I'm at a stage in my life where it really doesn't matter how drunk I am. Last night I was very drunk. I was an amplified version of myself. I shouted instead of talking. I'm cool with it.

Riccardo heads off for the army today. The party was, as Shane put it
'To give him a real sending off.' I forgot it was Ricky's party. It seemed like a good excuse to drink lager. I bought six cans of Carlsberg. Shane kindly sold me six bottles of Stella when I was running low.

My day started with lots of rapping. Paul came round so we could record a new song. We spent hours getting the lyrics right. I made a snap decision. What am I waiting for? I've got nothing better to do. I grabbed my jacket and a can of lager from the fridge. Paul and I talked about women.
'If I find a bird I respect one hundred percent, care for one hundred percent, like one hundred percent, then maybe I'll have a girlfriend. I'm not just going to settle for anyone.' He told me about his quest to find a girlfriend.

I sat on the bus. I was telling myself how comfortable I was with my crazy hair and thick beard. I felt reassured on the tram. Three teenage girls were discussing how sexy I was. They're right in front of me. Don't they realize I can hear them? I walked up the road to Tim's house.



I talk about things I shouldn't. That's me in a nutshell. I talk about whatever I want when I'm sober. There's only one difference now. I'm loud. I can't stay quiet. It feels great to truly let go and not worry about what you're saying.

I guess I'm growing. I can assert my opinion with no real worries about what people think. If people don't like me then fuck 'em. I don't want to know people if they can't accept me for who I am. I'm going to be myself and I'm going to be proud of that fact.

Some people don't know how to take me at first. They need to adjust slightly. I say what's on my mind but I can admit when I'm wrong. If someone has a go at me for being out of order then fair play. I respect someone all the more for speaking out. I'll adjust my behaviour accordingly. Luckily no-one told me I was being too loud or anything of the sort. People's reactions to my humour and opinions were nothing less than positive.



I think people appreciate someone who isn't moulded into the usual shape. What I'm trying to say is that I think I'm a pretty interesting guy. Modest too I hear you thinking.

So now I'm staring at my PC screen through sore eyes. How many bags of crisps did I eat last night? I remember punching the tram from inside. I wasn't being psycho or anything. My fist felt really bouncy.

It was half eleven. I waited for a bus. I had one chance to get this bus. It was the last one of the evening. I stood in the doorway at Wilkinsons. I urinated onto the floor. Why do you think this is acceptable behaviour when you're drunk?

The bus sped past me as I thought shit! I knew that'd happen. I ran to the next bus stop. Surely I can't catch this. If I have to walk I'm going to McDonalds. I caught up with the bus but the woman wouldn't let me on. You can't board at this stop. I started to sprint like Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Running Man. I managed to get to the bus station before the bus. I had a smug look on my face as I showed my bus pass. I beat you.

I opened the balcony door and flipped open my bedroom window. It'll ventilate the flat. I stripped down to my bare essentials. I threw the mountain of clothes from my bed and got under the sheets. I won't need any rocking tonight.