Let's Go

It's a new day and a fresh start for me. It's time to turn over a new leaf and think about my life. I'm heading out to the peak district today. I feel motivated and positive about things. I'll be camping in the peak district till Friday. There will be plenty of training and I will be very busy.

As I walk away from my relationship I'm focused. I'm looking ahead of me now. Whatever happened is in the past now. That's where it will stay. I pack my bag and pick up my tent. I lock the door behind me. Now I walk and breathe in the fresh air.

The Final Meeting

There's that awkward moment where you don't know weather you are meant to hug each other. She walks in looking like she's just had a makeover. I pour a drink and we sit next to each other on the sofa. I'm looking at my knee, the arm of the chair, anywhere other than her face.

She tells me I'm not going to like what she's about to say but I've worked it out already. I knew she was going to end things. I feel like one burst of emotion could bring a lump to my throat. I subdue the urge to show too much.

I feel quite good. It's like I've had this great experience with someone in my life. We had a lot of great times and I will always remember her. I can call on the memories when I need to.

Now it's time to move forward with my life. She walks out of the door and as she turns the corner I slump into my chair. Something is gone forever and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I'm thankful that we had our time. I will love her always and no internal process can change that.

I'm Single

When I realize I'm losing her I cry my eyes out. I embrace the tears and lean into them. As I weep I feel more relaxed. I have no shame in this. You have to process emotion in a healthy way. You need to let things out. I try to cry until I don't feel like crying anymore. I get to the stage where I'm trying to force the tears but none are coming out.

When you're angry you need to let it out. Overwhelming sorrow is no different. I cry hard and in short bursts, my face in my palms, facing down to the floor whilst sitting in my PC chair. I cry and crease my face up till I don't feel like crying anymore.

Now I smile and look into the mirror. I look healthy, my eyes full of emotion. I feel like I'm coping well. I'll be a man about this and move on. I sleep listening to the sounds of the Amazon rain forest piping out of my PC speakers.

I wake up and get dressed. My bran flakes are filling my stomach. I don't feel like crying now. I can move on with my life in a productive way. It's over, and I'm willing to accept that.

Such a Contrast

I remember how we used to live. We had a crate of beers each, a block of draw (cannabis resin) and ten fags. He used to stop at mine almost every night. My mum and his dad were partners. They just left us alone to do our own thing. After all, I was eighteen, an adult.

We set up everything we needed on the corner desk in my bedroom. We had the playstation, the computer with an internet connection, the stereo, the television and the DVD player. We'd spend an hour choosing which one of forty DVDs to watch. Our favourite movies were Road Trip and Dude, where's my car? I'd roll a spliff and we'd smoke it out of the window. Sometime's we'd play fight and his dad would come up and tell us to calm things down.

We got drunk every night and we never got through our crate. We'd walk to the supermarket. My back would ache from carrying the large box of cans. We had our joints and that made the lager have a stronger effect. We used to play a lot of skateboarding and BMX games on the playstation. We loved this game called Soul Reaver. With the light off we spent hours trying to complete the game.

In many ways we were sheltered from the outside world. He had left school a year early and I was recovering from a breakdown. We did what we liked when we liked. We got up and played worms on the dreamcast, maybe we'd have some of last night s pizza and crack open a tinny. He'd stay over for weeks at a time. We never got bored of each other, we had all we needed.

Now I'm in my own flat. He rings me. Its how are you doing and what have you been up to. He says he might be going down for three years. I sigh. We're so far apart now. He's got a daughter and I'm doing things with my girlfriend. He tells me he might be moving to Thailand if he gets off with community service. I can only wish him the best. As I put the phone down I sigh and know that we are two different people now.

I'll always remember those nights we spent in my bedroom. We were brothers but never really related. I miss those nights sometimes. The joy of being a teenager and indulging in a high whilst playing games or watching DVDs still appeals to me sometimes. Still, things won't change.

Great from Start to Finish

The nine o'clock morning sun breathed down on me like a powerful dragon. I rotated my joints and looked around me. There was a city centre ambassador approaching me. Oh great, playful banter, just what I need with six hours sleep. I wait for the comedic line and prepare myself to be friendly.
'Nine o'clock in the morning, Saturday, what's it all about?'
'It's all about parkour and kung fu' I tell him,' maybe if I make things simple he'll leave me alone.

I get chatting to the ambassador and as we break through the whole I don't understand why you're training barrier we actually get pretty deep chatting about women. He's been with his wife for years. They have a fourteen year old daughter together. He says a few things that make me think of Angel and I'm reading into his stories as more advice than mere spectacle.

'Your mild mannered you, aren't you?'
'Ur, yeah'
'You know, I don't wanna be funny but you're really mild mannered'
'No, I am'
'Well anyway, been nice talking to ya, hope you have a good day, come out with us sometime, game 'o' pool'
'Sounds good'
'Hey nice chatting to ya,'
'You too' I admit, shaking his hand. We exchange names and I head up to Somerfield.

I'm eating a banana and sipping water as people start to arrive. Little Danny enters the Hallam area where we train followed shortly by Jordan. I start to warm my body up with some jogging. Today's going to be great, I can feel it.

The day was sunny and eventful. I pushed passed my boundaries and felt like I really achieved a lot. I was really elated as the time drew close to six. I think I'm finally getting stronger.


I finish the day with a noodle inn meal and scribble down some writing ideas on a notepad. The two women next to me keep glancing at me. They find me interesting but I don't think they know that I know they're watching. I meet eyes with one of them and she looks away sheepishly. I pick through a huge plate of vermicelli noodles and crispy pork with black chopsticks. I have to stop twice in the half an hour it takes me to eat the meal as it’s so big.

I'll have a power nap I think to myself at nine o'clock when I enter my flat. I set my alarm for ten. My alarm rings and I get up. The sun is shining through my curtains and it's half ten on Sunday. Better get up, got things to do.

Are You an Angry Person?

I remember a martial arts instructor telling me that people are either audio learners or visual learners. Audio learners respond mainly to what they hear. Visual learners learn mainly through what they can see. In knowing this you can adapt your teaching abilities to suit whichever person you are dealing with.

I have realised recently that I'm an audio learner. Angel was pointing down towards the cash machine and she was saying
'There's my receipt,' I'm staring around wildly, thinking maybe it's on the floor, blowing away from me as I stare. She's like 'there!' I didn't understand until she said 'that lady has my receipt in her hand.' I understood then what she meant.

My Nan was telling me which branches needed pruning and she was like
'That one there,' waving her finger in the general direction of where she meant. 'There, that one sticking up,' Now I'm looking at a bush Nan. Which sticking up branch do you want me to cut? I had to tell her,
'Nan I'm a pretty audio centred person, you have to be a bit more specific than that.' She started touching the branches she wanted me to cut and we got along fine after that.

I've been thinking about the way I communicate and instead of saying 'it was this big' (and making a hand gesture) I'll say something along the lines of 'it was the size of a marrow.' Instead of saying 'go down there' when directing someone I've started using identifying words like 'walk straight ahead towards the phone box.' These days we as people are really lazy about the way we communicate. I want to be a powerful communicator. Maybe that's the reason I write so much

Another thing that was interesting for me to learn about was anger responses. I went on a course called conflict management. It's basically a course that every person working in security has to take to get an SIA badge (Security Industry Authority). If you want to work in security you have to have this specific licence.

In this course we learned about people and conflict. A lot of the course was psychology. For instance, are you aware there are two types of angry people? There are explosive and implosive angry people. The explosive person shouts and screams and is very outwardly motivated about what they want to express. The implosive person becomes quiet when angry. They tend to think inwardly about things. Maybe you can spot yourself in one of these examples. I am implosive and I always have been.

There are three common reactions to anger. People shout, people go quiet or people cry. I'd say I'm the type of person who goes quiet. Which one are you?

I found this course taught me more about who I am and more about life than it did about working in the security industry. I thought the course was very worthwhile, although the guy teaching the course thought otherwise.
'I don't see any point in you taking this course' he said to my surprise, 'all you need to do is get out there and handle situations.' I didn't appreciate this spin on things. To this day I still use coping strategies I learned in the course.

When we sat down for the examination we had to watch a video then answer questions on it. Right, time to see if I was taking in what I had learned. To my shock one of the teachers piped up, saying
'Right, answer one is A, answer two is C' and she reeled off the answers one after the other. I thought this might be a test in itself until she added 'if you tell anyone about this we will only deny it, make sure you get few wrong so it doesn't look suspicious, right, congratulations you boffins, you passed,' I tried to meet her grin but I couldn't help feeling cheated out of something I wanted to succeed in.

I read an interesting article that shaped my behaviour when I first started learning martial arts. It was about anger. The article was taken from seminars about anger management. It stated that no one could ever make you angry. You choose to get angry based on what you tell yourself about any given situation. When I learned this I was able to stop choosing to get angry and find more diplomatic ways to deal with conflict and anger. The article suggests you ask yourself 'what am I telling myself right now about this situation?' Answering that question will enable you to see what's really going on and deal with things in a positive manner.

You Are So Beautiful

I plug the earphones into the PC speaker. I dial the number and wait. I know she won't answer and I know she's working. The dial tone rings about six times. A female voice answers.
'You are through to the answer machine for (reels off number). This person isn't available to take your call right now but please leave a message after the tone.' The phone beeps for about a second.

I have the video in front of me. I've got it to one minute and thirty-five seconds. I press play. I've got a big smile on my face as I sing from deep inside myself. My voice sounds pretty good, even if I do say so myself.
'You are so beautiful, to me, can't you see? Your everything I hope for, your everything' I need. You are so beautiful, to me.' I do the high pitch voice and everything. I put on my most seductive voice and say 'you're beautiful baby,' then I hang up.


You can call me a hopeless romantic or cheesy. All I know is as I put down that phone I'm buzzing. I'm about eight on the excitement metre. I think back to the film 'ten things I hate about you' where the guy spills his beans to the girl he's been chasing while they're sitting in his the car. She kisses him and gets out. He slaps the steering wheel and what he says sort of sums up my mood right now. He says
'I'm back in the game' in a triumphant and exited voice.

Stop It

I'm at my Nan’s washing the conservatory roof and cleaning out the gutters. I send Angel seven text messages. Some of them are positive but the others are negative. You idiot put your phone down and stop being a loser. My phone goes back into my pocket. Now I seem like a freak so I send a final one. It reads:

I'm so sorry, I can't gaze into your eyes anymore, we can't even kiss each other, my head just exploded.

I press send and watch the little envelope fly around the world. It's lunchtime. Nan asks me what I want; I tell her I want eggs on cheese and toast. She shoots me this disgusted look and says
'I don't fancy that,' I chuckle. I'm sad about Angel and me being on the rocks but I can't help feeling giddy at the challenge of winning her back. That's if I can. If I can't I’ll have to take it like a man and move on with life.

Just to be random I start thinking about kung fu. It made me laugh out loud. It was a perfect example of how men and women are different. When a woman sees another woman with the same clothes on she avoids her, they don't chat. It’s like they're sworn enemies. When I noticed that the new guy at kung fu had the same T-shirt as me I was overjoyed.
'Hey like your style' I said, he laughed like he was just about to say the same thing and told me
'Yeah man, you're looking pretty swish.' I grin and stare at the PC screen. Time to prune the hedges.

Why

Why is it that we only see the right way to do things after everything goes wrong?

Why is it we appreciate the sunshine only after it's been raining?

Why is the simple answer only obvious when we stop looking for it?

Why do we see the value of something only after we have lost it?

Why do we ask so many questions when sometimes the answer is right in front of us?

The Myst Clears Eventually

The clouds clear in my mind. The Myst rises from my memories and I'm able to think clearly. Not only am I able to think clearly I'm able to see into my future clearly. I know what I must do now. My plans for this year are already fingered in wet concrete.

It's like I wake up from a daydream and things settle into comfort. I've been a bit stressed out. My head's been all over the place. I had a while to think. Now everything is clear.

If it wasn't for writing I don't know how I'd cope. Anytime I've ever had to make sense of things in my life I've used the page as my ally. It's like I don't know how to feel about something. As soon as I tap the keys things make sense. I write a lot more than just this blog. This is only the stuff that i deem readable. You'd probably think I was crazy if you read some of my other stuff.

When I'm looking at my life through the page it seems clearer. I can cast opinions on things and use hindsight. When I know what mistakes I made or what should have been different I can amend these issues.

Pushing On

Now I need to take a deep breath and think about things. I know what needs to be done. I need to get a job and start learning to drive. If I’m going to do this it’s going to be for myself. It’s going to head towards a positive life change. I do want to change my life and I know these are two ways I can do this. I can start after my holiday.

First I’ll take my theory test, then take driving lessons once I’ve done that. I’ll need a highway code to start off with. I’ll start looking into occupations as soon as possible. I need to way up the pros and cons of different jobs. Is there a job I can work part time and still be a high earner? What sort of courses will I need for the job I want. What sort of things will I need to communicate in order to get a decent job?

All these thing run through my mind at once. I know it's a feast for my hungry mind. Decisions like this can't be made in a few minutes. I'm going to contemplate these questions on a deep level. What I come up with will be the answer and the definitive way to progress in my life.

Will We? Won't We?

So my relationship hangs in the balance. Without going into too much detail I could soon be single. How do I feel about this? I feel like it's something unexpected. I didn't expect things to happen like this. It's like I'm going down a road and suddenly there's a fork. There's no turning back.

If I do become single you'll probably see a change in me straight away. If I carry on with his relationship then you will see a change in me. Positive change is something I need to embrace with open arms. Whatever moves you forward in life can only be a good thing.

Will I be a different person if I become single? Oh no doubt! I have learned so much from this relationship it's unreal. I do want to carry on with the woman I love but this may not be what ends up happening. I'll let your inquisitive mind and your curiosity wonder why these problems are arising.

Truth

I'm trying very hard not to try hard. I remember the principle of Buddhism. One may seek for non-attachment in order to achieve enlightenment but clinging to such a need is attachment in itself. I try not to think about that then realise that I'm actually trying to do something in the process so I let go of everything. I even let go of the fact that I'm trying to let go. Confused? Me too. I sit there and just 'be'.

The thing is I've tried to show respect to certain people. I get so obsessed with being respectful that I come across as arrogant. It used to piss me off. I'm being respectful and people are being funny with me. What I later realised was that by trying to be respectful I’d blinded myself to any other emotions. As soon as I realised this I was able to truly relax.

Now I'm going to be myself. If people don't like my jokes or the way I stand then they aren’t worth the time of day. This is my new motto. Let go and fuck the consequences. I know I'm a decent human being. Deep down I know I am respectful. So I'll be myself regardless of what anyone assumes or thinks. If you talk to me you'll realise I am a decent guy. End of story.

Why is the Lettuce so High?

My face becomes one of grim composure. What do they mean we're starting? Jimmy's not here. Where are Selina and James? We haven't even seen inside the restaurant yet. How are we going to know where to dance and what route to take? And uncomfortable feeling churns inside my stomach. The drums begin to play.

The lion eats the lettuce as an offering of good will. Today the lettuce is about three to four metres high. How the hell are we going to get the lettuce if it's that high? The mouth has to eat it. David and Yi ling start dancing, David moving the head and Yi Ling in the tail. David pulls the strings inside the lion's head that makes the lion blink and shake its ears. As he dances he moves the mouth. I'm worried at this point. Are we supposed to improvise?

Jimmy turns up and calls Little Lion and I to take over. So soon? I think to myself. I get inside the tail and squat down. I have to keep my head low or the illusion is shattered and the Lion looks more like a wild camel. I flap my arms as I hold onto the side of the material. This gives the impression that the lion is breathing. I shake my arse to make it appear that the lion is dancing.

'Lift me up' Little Lion shouts. What the fuck? He's twelve stone. I realise in a matter of seconds that there's no way round this, and that the owners of this restaurant weren't joking when they said the lettuce was high to test us. I put my head in-between Little Lion's head and try to lift. Nothing. Oh shit. This time I squat low, with a lot of push I slowly rise him up. I see lettuce dropping to the floor. The lion is eating. I drop him down, a sense of relief and triumph in my heart.

I step into the restaurant and mimic the footsteps I see in front of me. When they skip to the right I skip to the right. When the front legs kick out I kick out. So I'm seeing inside this restaurant for the first time. There's nothing much I can say about it other than the floor is clean. I have to stay low the whole time. I see different shoes and trousers as the head leads me forward.

We descend down some dusty stairs and I'm watching my step. It’s one thing falling down dusty stairs. It’s another thing falling down dusty stairs in a lion costume. We walk down three flights of stairs. We bow at the bottom. I realise that someone heaving the large drum down behind us as we can still hear the beat.
'Go backwards' shouts Jimmy Wan, kung fu master and teacher of our lion dance team. I feel someone’s hands on my hips. I can't help but feel slightly uncomfortable about this as this type of grasps are usually reserved for anniversary dances and other romantic occasions. However I'm glad I have the hands guiding me as they are pulling me in the right direction, if not a little too fast for my liking.

I'm out of the lion suit and I'm sweating, breathing like I just ran a hundred metres after ten fags. I marvel at the exquisite restaurant. It's amazing. The roofs are really high. There's a band of musicians setting up on a high balcony. I watch as the lion rolls. I help carry the drum to the door. The lion gets outside, bows three times then the drums stop. We all look around, astonished. We did it. That was a great lion dance.

Sabotage!

Video Remix With Outtakes

Some Things are Handy to Remember

I was listening to some music. I drank my orange juice. My phone rang.
'Danny its Brad, where are you?'
'I'm in my flat mate, I might come out though,' I peered round the curtains 'It's quite sunny now innit'
'Yeah it's been on and off all day.'
'I'll get ready and catch the bus now.' I grabbed some trousers and a blue top then packed my bag to go out training for parkour.

I walked up the hill and saw Shane walking down the opposite way with his girlfriend. I covered my face and pretended to avoid him. He walked up to me. We did 'the handshake'.
'Your arms aren't bigger than Danny's Shane' his girlfriend said. I grinned.
'Yeah' I joked, 'think you can get arms bigger than mine, you're gunna have to eat a lot more pizza and ice cream for that.' He laughed in the courteous way we do for each other when we aren't really being original or funny.
'If I eat the ice cream that's bringing the pizza up'
'Oh yeah you're lactose intolerant aren't you, you can't eat both.' Shane looked at my arm,
'Remember last year when you said oh how have you got so chunky?' I laughed quietly. I did remember. I was quite skinny then.

Brad, Alex, Little Danny (I'm Big Danny) and Peach are a group called SCM (Steel City Motion). I really like these guys but they train very differently from me. They do a lot of Back flips and tricking in general. I was warming up and I had every person in every car looking. To be honest I'm so used to training in public I feel like I'm doing something wrong if people aren't looking.

SCM were making a video. I ran up for a cat pass to precision. I tried it more than ten times, landing just short. I went for it with all the speed I could muster. I landed with one foot but quickly tapped back. There was a sharp pain in my hand. A small rock had cut into my hand. I squeezed the rock out but the cut was bleeding. I couldn't train on it because it would just get worse. It was reflection time. I waved goodbye to the lads to think about what I’d done wrong.

Now you might be thinking come on Danny, it's only a cut. We all get scrapes here and there. Well imagine making a mistake higher up. Imagine if the mistake was so big you broke a leg. Now I don't ever get injuries. Even such a small cut has significance. It tells me I did something wrong. I went against my instinct. I'll tell you why.

I'll tell you why I train differently from the boys in SCM. Now I'm not putting them down. They're good at what they do. I just don't train the same way. When I was going for the cat pass to precision I let Alex and Brad egg me on. They egg each other on. It works for them. I train by instinct. I train on my own a lot of the time and I listen to my inner voice. I made a mistake by letting myself be encouraged by someone else. I let myself get exited about how good I’d look of I got the jump. That's why I cut myself. I wasn't listening to my instinct and I got carried away.

I remember all the injuries I've had. They were all caused by one of two things. I was trying something over and over again when I should have been getting stronger then coming back to it. That or I was getting too exited and letting adrenaline drive me. At the back of my mind today my instinct said stay calm. Now I know where I went wrong. I won't let the same thing happen again.

It's What's on the Outside that Manifests

I'm waiting for my bus when two guys walk up to me. They're both wearing baseball caps. One guy says the line I hear nearly everyday in town, it starts like
'Excuse me mate' in a very nice tone of voice. The next bit starts like 'I'm sorry to bother you but' and you'll know the rest. He's asking me for change because he's on crutches and he needs a place to stay. His mate stands overbearingly and cracks his knuckles.

My heart says kick the crutches away and give him a shouting lecture about begging to buy drugs. You can't exactly conduct yourself in such a manner can you? If we went on our urges all day the world would be a scary place. Anyway, because I'm a good human being I say
'No sorry mate, I'm skint,' I reckon if I empathise with him in this way he'll just understand where I'm coming from and leave me alone.

Now I'm not saying that all homeless people are bad. But something in my heart tells me they're doing this every night. It was just the way the line was put across. There was something about the baseball caps and style of dress. Now don't get me wrong. I don't judge people on stereotypes. If people judged me solely on how I dress they'd be very confused a lot of the time. I'm just saying I'm sure I'll see this pair walking around town in a few days doing the same thing.

It's like the guy who asks me for bus fair back to Barnsley. That's the ninth time he's forgotten his bus fair. I mean how many times can you make that same mistake? Maybe I'm bitter from being conned. I just leave it and don't say anything. If karma really exists then I've got no time for these people. I've just got to go about my way. I'll say one thing. That incident has made me think twice before believing every story that comes my way. In the back of my mind as I was handing her the twenty quid (read 'my moral victory') I was telling myself that if she turned out to be a fake then I’d learn something from this. And I did.

Bare Feet on the Street

Dave and I started jogging. It was quarter past three. Now we look like any other joggers that are round town with one difference. Dave and I have no shoes and socks on and we're topless. People's faces varied from surprise to all out confusion. People honked their horns as we ran down the concrete path. A workman leant out of his van window to warn us about glass on the floor. That was nice of him.

You're thinking barefoot, you're thinking concrete, you're thinking crazy, right? Well this is our new training method. We condition our feet and get fit at the same time. It actually feels really nice when you get used to it. You don't need breathable ankle socks and fancy trainers. We're going for that natural look, barefoot.

Dave pulls to the left at the fifteen minute mark.
'I'll meet you on the Odeon' I shout as I sprint ahead. Overall there were three car horns, one woman shouting
'Hey sexy!' from across the street, a bunch of guys outside a pub discussing how hardcore barefoot jogging was, many astonished gasps, one woman commenting that most people can't even run that fast, let alone barefoot and many strange looks.

I walked up to Dave after doing half an hour. I felt great. My steps were really light but my feet felt really tough and strong. We walked to get our bags. I had to limp as I realised that one of my toes was cut. I'll do it again. In fact I plan to do an hours run barefoot twice a week now and every warm up with jogging will be barefoot from now on. Great fun.

When it Rains Outdoors

The rain fell for what seemed like hours. No, I'm just kidding. It rained for hours. We started with a ten minute jog, trudging through the sodden ground beneath our wet feet. The water started sinking through my two pairs of socks, my two pairs of trousers, my vest, T-shirt and jumper. A girl walking past said
'I want to get hot and wet with you guys.' I would have been flattered if she wasn't about fourteen.

Our assault course is the bombtits. It's just a shame it's so wet. I try to do a muscle up but end up slipping. My arm pit hits the bar and I slap it hard.
'It's too wet' I tell Aaron, stating the obvious.

We pack up our stuff and I make jokes openly about the fact I can't cook. 'I'll make a reality TV show about my life, shot in my flat, I’ll call it can't cook don't cook.' Dave laughs, adding
'Or I don't cook at all,' we all laugh out loud.

I walk through the muddy back route to my flat. I walk through an archway of trees. There's a pole with a red flag on top. That'll be for the golfers. I think about getting home and meditating. The idea warms me up. I start singing a song that I wrote yesterday. My phone rings. Angel. I flip open the phone and press the green button.
'I was just singing about you.'

Lions and Noodles

I started doing leg exercises in the car park. We are two hours early. Jimmy lifts the lion out of the car (confusion understandable at this point) and James lifts out the drum. There we stand, dressed from head to toe in bright yellow and gold. Our T-shirts all have the words 'Sheffield Lion Dance Team' written on the back.

Susan hands me a black coffee. I drown two heaps of white sugar into the mug and stir some milk in. Lovely. Jimmy seems worried but it's always like that before a dance. Everyone panics and gets stressed. I and a few others have noticed this. We sit back with a subtle smile. We know what we have to do. What will happen is meant to happen.

We are surrounded by people. There are people on stilts, people dressed up like Morris dancers, drummers, children, babies, footballers. It's everything you expect from the Barnsley parade.

My light hearted jokes turn to uncomfortable silence. We'll start soon. As soon as this dance starts everything goes in slow motion. I'll watch for a sign of the right thing to do. There'll be red faces as everyone puts their best efforts in. The drums chant like a congregation of angry Zulus and we are moving. I hold the drum, pulling it along by a red strip of material. Jimmy bashes the drums, Nicky clashes the symbols, 'the drummer' hits the gong and I'm looking around me. The dance is underway and although the city is over pouring with people I don't see them.

Jimmy points at me and it's my turn. I get in and feel all my energies brimming over. I make the lion dance. I'm so enthusiastic I can hear people with impressed voices. Everyone loves the lion. Most people think it's a dragon but they love it anyway. I dance past a stage where a loud man with a microphone shots
'And this is the Barnsley Lion dance team, tell you what I love about these guys, they're really good!' He must see the back of someone’s shirt because he changes his tune pretty quickly, 'Yes that’s the Sheffield lion dance team gentleman.' I lose count of the times I hear a little girl's voice call out
'Look mummy it’s the dragon!'

I'm dancing and my arms are aching but I can go on. We all act as a unit. It's important we think like a team the whole way through. I dance the lion into the car park where we first started and do three bows. The drums stop. I'd been told about this notorious lion dance and its length. I'd made it out to be that hard it was a big surprise when it ended. Note to self: Big things to up be worse than they are.

Susan hands me my medal of hour. A medal of honour? For us? Apparently everyone gets one as a gift from the lord mayor. I wear it with pride.

Jimmy drives us back to Sheffield. He tells us he is taking us for some Chinese noodle.
'That's the best news I've had in about three hours' I say. What better way to end the day than canoodling at the noodle inn? (Private joke)

Hesitant

'Danny stop' a voice shots out. I know who it is. I've already clocked him. It’s the Irish guy from town. I met him a while ago in a pub. He watches me jump and I try my best to focus. I find myself in showing off mode. He's making suggestions and they are really putting my brain into a twist. He walks off and I have to leave the area. He thought he was trying to help. I was relying on independent thought.

I walk home and I'm realising that I am not strong enough. I'm starting a conditioning session. It'll be my personal project. I don't know why but when someone tries to join in or egg me on with really hard training I cop out. That's why I never went to hell night. I reckon legs are what I need to work on most. I come up with a plan.

100 Pistols
100 Squats
500 Lunges
100 Calf raises
500 quadrupedal walking backwards
500 quadrupedal walking forwards
5 times up and down the huge flight of stairs in the Hallam University.
I'll work on muscle ups and pull ups for my arms. This is my plan. I'm sure I’ll modify it as time goes on.

I start tomorrow.

I was doing parkour and I'd taken a step back. I look back on it all now and I know it's because I was out of training for a week or so. It took its toll. Now I have to fight to get back the ability I'd worked for.

There's no Training if it's Raining

The rain pisses down from the sky above. I walk to the bus stop and I know I'm coming home drenched. I show my bus pass to the driver and find a seat.

It’s today we prepare our space in Graves Park. We will be doing a parkour show there over the weekend.

I plan out an elaborate handshaking routine to try out on Ben. When he arrives I shake his hand.
'Sorry I'm late' he says, 'I had to sort something out.' I nod and forget about the handshake. We walk to the information desk. A middle aged woman with blonde hair shoots me a sideways glance. Ben asks her about her bus and she walks off towards a wall of leaflets. 'Didn't she hear me?'
'Don't worry about it Ben, she's in a bad mood you can tell.' I spoke loudly, did she hear me? The woman walks back to us and tells us to head for the high street. I thank her and we're on our way.

The rain starts to filter through my jeans and coat. Ben and I walk through the main entrance to Graves Park. Ben asks for a guy named Matt. A tall guy with a ponytail walks out of the mobile office. He points out where our space will be. He's giving us quite a lot of space.

Ben and I plan out what we can do. So far we've been promised a land rover, a small vehicle that resembles a golf cart, some scaffolding and hay bails. We joke about how bad things will be if the rain carries on. Deep down it's a serious issue.

We stand around till it's obvious the rain isn't ceasing any time soon. We tell Matt we will be back later if the weather gets better. Will the show go ahead or will it fall casualty to weather conditions?

Lost in Dream Land

So I'm in the middle of telling Peach and Alex that I'm making a tricking video. I tell them I'm making it to prove that people can do tricking but still have no real interest in it. I start thinking about what I'm going to put in the video as we walk through town.

Peach kicks off a wall and flies high over the head's of two people who are singing in town. He lands and runs swiftly.
'He's good isn't he' I turn around and say
'Yes.' I do some jumps myself. I land in a martial arts stance.

I'm walking home, practising a bit of martial arts. There are three football hooligan types walking on the path where I'm practising. I sense their hostility and the big muscular guy to the left advances towards me. I run from him, sensing that he's hostile. I run down a hill and he' so big he can't keep up. I enter a housing estate and vault over a few fences just to make sure I'm free of him.

I walk onto a bus and show my pass. I sit down and look around me. It looks like America. There are tower blocks all around me surrounded by trees and roads. How the hell will I get home?

The Let Down

I wait patiently. I'm looking all around me. Surely she'll be here soon. Time is ticking away and she's fifteen minutes late. I start getting used to the idea that she might not have the money for me. I send a text.

It reads:
Sorry I have to do this but it was your choice. Don't bother texting me or ringing me as I won't answer.

I flip the phone down and walk onto my bus. What a waster. I think about the repercussions and the guy's words echo in my ear. I can make your life very difficult. I shrug it off. Fuck him. Anyone who wants to make my life difficult has to invade my personal space. I'm always aware of what's going on around me. I'm not worried. I look out of the bus window. I'm not fazed.

Brushing Against the Truth

I think I need to be cool about things. Most of all I need to be patient. I need to speak to her in person and find out everything that’s on her mind. I need to listen to her. I need her to feel like I’m listening and taking everything in that she says.

I need to decorate my flat. I get started and never finish. So I pick up the brush. As I stroke the brush over the bright yellow wall I start to see ways in which I can change my life. I see ways to improve my relationship and I get to thinking about my future. By the time I’ve got most of the room done I feel pretty good. The room looks pretty good too.

The Wait

The meet is set for half past four. I gather myself as I prepare to meet her. If everything goes as planned I should be walking into the peace gardens, when I walk out I should have twenty pounds in my pocket. I chose that specific area because it's public. There are plenty of security and people to stop anything going down. Angel says I should just leave it. This matter is going past money. I'm now fighting for a principle. It's the war between good and evil. Habitually it's a war against victimisation. It's like teaching the crooks a lesson, and I relish in it.

My Moral Victory

The man's voice is almost a whisper, goodfellas style.
'You are in town every fucking day mate. I could make your life very difficult.' I'm defiant.
'I have made myself clear, either you bring me the money or I publish the photos.'
'Just stop it with the threats. You'll get your money.' He tells me he'll ring me tomorrow and I look over the texts I sent before the phone call.

Message one reads:
It's pretty obvious to me now that you're not genuine. You either bring the cash or I go to the police, the papers and the local stores with your picture. It’s up to you.

Confused? Let’s step back in time a few days.

Dave and I are walking through town. We look like travellers. We're carrying rucksacks and wearing walking boots. We are in the middle of a very long training session. Actually it's a twenty hour session. I'd like to tell you more but that's another story. Anyway A girl approaches Dave and I, tearful and sobbing. At first I think it's another beggar asking for change. She tells us her story.

Apparently she's from Burton-on-Trent. She came to Sheffield to pick something up from meadow hall. Low and behold her purse goes missing. Are you laughing yet? It gets better. So she's got to get a coach that costs sixteen pounds fifty. She asks us for anything we can manage and assures us she's not a street beggar. She breaks down into tears. Something in my heart tells me she's genuine. I hand her twenty pounds and to cut a long story short she skips off like candy floss just got free at the local parade. I think nothing of it.

I look at Dave and say
'If she's a street beggar she deserves the twenty quid with a performance like that,'
'Yes she certainly has good props' jokes Dave. He explains that he was just about to give her the money from his bag. He says if on the odd chance she doesn't get the money to me in time then he'll give it me if I need it. Good man. So we walk on our merry way. Dave starts singing a spice girls song.

Let's cut the story to two days after the initial meeting. I'm doing leg exercises next to the Hallam University and who should walk by? It’s the Burton-on-Trent girl. Not only does she not stop and explain herself she actually blanks me and carries on walking. Now I'm thinking allsorts. Wouldn't it be lovely to go and beat the shit out of her? Nah you can't just go around doing that. I watch her walking into the distance.

A minute passes and she's near the Odeon cinema. I know what I can do! I get my phone out and start to run. Shane asks me
'Where are you going?' I just glance back and shout
'I'll be back in a minute.'

I catch up with her. Her once innocent looking face now looks withered in the bright light of day. I run up and ask her
'So you didn't manage to get home then?' As soon as she replies
'Oh I did' that's it, illusion shattered. It’s back to Kansas Toto.

I pretend to look at my phone for reception, playing nice. Snap. The phone takes the image of her face. I explain to her that she's got two days. She either brings me my twenty pounds back or I take her picture to the police. She tells me the police can't do anything anyway. I walk off in a huff. She realises I'm going to go through with it so she stops me. She tells me she'll meet me with my money later in the week. I await her phone call.

Thought of the Day

How many text messages do you send daily? Try talking to someone. In today's society it seems like a bizarre concept. Dial someone’s number and talk to them. Tell them you love them. Tell them what you're up to. Tell them you saw something interesting today. Whatever you would normally say in a text say it over the phone. Make it personal. See how refreshing it feels?

Thought of the Day

Race doesn't exist. All that exists are people. We all have two eyes. We all have a nose. We are all human. When you walk down the street just see people, faces, men and women. Race shouldn't come into anything. Look around you. You see people. Now you have the ability to see what's really going on.