Broken Egg Shells

I stare at my keyboard. From now on you'll see the real me. You will read my true thoughts. You will see events which occur in my life through my eyes. You will read real dialogue and you'll hear what I'm thinking. I'm laying myself on a plate here. It could be good. I tap my fingers down on the keys and adjust my posture to sit straighter.

I'm walking out of pound land. I put my white tack into my B&Q bag and head up the moor. I look out of the corner of my eye at a guy walking to my right. I stop and hold out my hand.
'Seb!' He whacks my arm with his arm. Typical kung fu reaction. 'How are you man?'
'Oh no, sorry mate I wasn’t with it, hey are you doing anything? What are you doing?'
'I was just getting some shit from town,' I raise my bag to show him. He points his hand to a seating area.
'Shall we sit?' he tells me that he's been shagging a minister's daughter. My mouth widens and I say
'Well done.' he says
'Well, yeah, no actually, I feel like I've committed this almighty sin.' He explains how it all came about.

Seb is making a sandwich. He walks out of the kitchen and hands the plate to the waitress. I love the fact that she's a posh girl he thinks. They talk about going out for a drink and agree to meet up. Seb puts on some smart clothes and brushes his teeth. Smart. He walks into the bar and orders them a drink. I need to leave he tells himself. An old mate walks in. 'I haven’t seen you in years mate,' says Seb, hugging the guy. He agrees to stay for another drink.

'Next thing I know I'm at hers pumping her out, she was a proper slut man'
'She loving it then?'
'Yeah man, she was all over me,' I laugh wickedly. 'Now I don't know what to do'
'What do you mean?' I fold my brow.
'Well I think she thinks I'm looking for a girlfriend,'
'You didn’t!' I look at him, my eyes widen.
'Yeah I might have said I wanted a girlfriend.' I put my fist to my mouth like I'm seeing something horrific. I tell him that's breaking a number one rule.
'You never say you're looking for a relationship if you're not mate, you should just be honest from the start,' He nods crazily,
'I know. What should I do?'
'I'd be honest with her man, tell her you aren’t looking for a relationship, in my experience it goes two ways, either they accept the fact and sleep with you anyway or they don’t like it and run for the hills, you've got to be brutally honest with her man. I know what you were thinking though. You were thinking how can I sleep with this girl? What can I say that will improve my chances?' He screws his eyes shut and laughs nervously
'That's exactly what I was thinking man.' He agrees that being honest with her is the best thing to do. 'Listen man I'm going up to the cafe later, call me if you want to come, it's fanny everywhere.' I look down at the floor.
'Okay mate' I say emptily. 'Thanks,' we shake hands and walk in opposite directions. I smile. It was great to see Sebastian again. I walk to the bus stop. I think i'll paint my flat tonight.

A Real Insight

'I'm thinking about taking a break from dating.' Tim raises his eyebrows and says
'Yeah, maybe you need to,' I nod my head,
'Yeah I'm taking a week or two, I need to, to get my head sorted.' I sigh. Damn.

'Right you've been a gentleman,' the cameraman holds out his hand and I shake it.
'Ah no worries, come to any jams you like,'
'Thank you, I’ll see you around'
'Catch you later.' He inserts his key into the door and walks into the flats. I turn to a wall. I leap to the wall and land on my palms. I shout
'Ah!' I put my right hand over my abdominal muscles.
'What's up?' Little Danny points to my stomach.
'I've been doing this fucking Bruce Lee fitness programme,' everyone turns their heads towards me and laughs out loud. 'It's not funny, it fucking kills' I explain, laughing to myself.

I walk past virgin megastores with my head bowed. I pull my phone out of my pocket. This is the tenth time I've stared at it. I press the power button and the display changes to a black screen.

I walk into the gym and change my trainers. I carry my bag up the stairs and open the door to the back room. I pull the training gear down from the top of the lockers. I open the fire door and grab the hexagon wall chart. The green dragon looks great. I place it on the radiator next to the punch bag. Now the class has a north. I drink water from a two-litre bottle and lay into the punch bag.

I stare into the mirror and rub my chin with my finger and thumb. I feel like I'm depressed though I'm not unhappy. Angel was the first person I'd ever really loved. I acted like an idiot until she didn’t feel loved. I realised where I was going wrong but it was too late. We got to a stage where we didn’t talk and now we aren’t communicating at all. I turn away from the mirror and drink water. James walks into the room with Rich. I greet them by bowing with my left hand covering my right fist. I grin. 'Alright, how you doing?' I pummel my fists into the punch bag. It feels great to let all my frustration out.

I do ten tornado kicks in a row. On the tenth kick I knock the focus mitt out of James' hand. It flies across the room. He's like
'Nice one.' I'm jumping and turning in the air. I kick the pad. James is laughing as my kicks make an almighty slapping noise that echoes around the room. He asks me 'how are you getting so much power in your kicks?' I tell him all about my training regime.

I turn my phone on. One text message. I flip the phone down. Do I want to read this? It might be from Angel. I'll open it in a bit. I put the phone into my pocket and walk down to the changing rooms.

I'm pressing the open button on my phone. I hold my breath. Angel. I'm reading the message. So she'd never said we'd split up. I breathe in with a mixture of shock and hope. She thought we were meeting on Tuesday. I type in my reply. There, now I'm meeting her on Tuesday to talk things over. I miss you? I reply. Oh shit, I should have said I miss you, not I miss you a lot. Now I look desperate. I grab my pint of Guinness and swig it back. Shit!

I walk into McDonalds with my writing pad under my arm. I stare around the busy restaurant. Not here. I walk down the road to KFC. I stand outside. I look around me. Where else can I go? S1 food bar? No, I remember last time when that alcoholic woman tried to seduce me. Fuck it. I open the door and join the back of the queue. I bite into my fillet burger and open my writing pad.

I walk into my flat. It’s great to be home. I press the power button on my PC. I click the button down on the kettle. I sit down in my revolving leather chair. I pick my phone up. A voice inside my head screams at me. Don’t do this to yourself man! Stop calling. She'll respect you a lot more if you just wait. I place the phone back on the side. I feel right tired. I pull the covers back and get into bed. It feels great. I set my alarm for an hour’s time.

I open my eyes and look over to my phone. I jump out of bed and set the alarm for another hour. My alarm goes off for the third time. It’s dark. I get out of bed and walk into my kitchen. I pour myself a glass of fresh orange. I look at my phone to find out the time. One new message. I open it. She wants to see me and she's asking me if I have moved on yet. I tell her that I haven’t moved on. I sigh and open the microwave door. I pull out my lasagne. I wonder what will happen.

I Remember The Bankin

You walk onto the field. It looks a lot smaller now I'm an adult. As a kid this space seemed so vast. I remember collecting conkers from the big tree on the left. We used to jump on the rocks. We called it the bankin. You rotate your knees to loosen the joints. You rotate your neck.

You breathe out and bend forward. You stop with your palms nearly touching the floor. You breathe in through your nose as you stand up. You're getting lower with each repetition. My legs feel really strong. My knees feel stronger than ever. You stretch out into the front splits and your head touches your knee. Your elbows touch the ground.

You hold your hands in front of you in the praying position. You grimace at the burn in your legs as you lower your body down with one leg straight. You finish doing ten and someone says
'Is that tai chi?' You look to your left,
'It's like tai chi, it's kung fu, people often ask me if it's tai chi but it's different, it's a lot harder, well actually it's exercises for kung fu.' He nods and looks down momentarily.
'My wife used to do tai chi, she lived in China so.' You explain that you would love to go to China.

He's asking you where you're from and you explain that you spent a lot of your childhood in his house.
'Yeah us as kids used to spend hours on this bankin, we used to play right here,' you squat down to make yourself seem less overbearing.
'Ah right, so your Harry Garner's son?' You look down and picture Grandad at the front gates.
'He's my Grandad' You correct yourself 'was, my Grandad.' He asks you if you’re ex forces, commenting on your tattoos. You explain that they're cover-ups. He tells you he's got jobs to do. He walks into Nan's old house. You jog off in the opposite direction. You run up a flight of stairs leading to the top end of the estate. You wipe the sweat off your forehead with your sleeve. You breathe in. I love this place.

Drifting Apart

I scratch my chin and stare at my phone. I breathe in and then out. My phone lights up. I flip it open. I read the message and flip my phone down. Where did it all go wrong?

My Nan keeps asking me questions. I snap out of my trance and answer her. What would it be like to be single again? Why doesn’t she want to work on our relationship? We were fine two weeks ago. It felt like it was going to last forever. I feel sick. I grab my stomach and breath in shallowly.

I click through pages of singles. I click the close button and walk out of the room. I push the lawnmower over the grass. I feel like a walking zombie. I move big rocks and dig out earth from the garden. I'm glad I've got something to keep my mind off things.

I smile into the mirror. I walk away from the mirror and my lips sink into a sulk. I run my fingers over the three days worth of bristles on my face. I open my phone then flip it down again. I stare out of the window then open the phone again. I press my thumb onto the keypad. I snap the phone shut on my half a message. Why isn’t there a way to fix this?

My Nan asks me why I haven’t had much to eat. I tell her it's the heat. I feel exited and sad at the same time. I check my messages on myspace.
'Empty' I whisper out loud. I'm typing slowly onto the keyboard. I press enter and sigh.

Tuesday's Training

I'm breathing in and putting my bag down on the wall. I start to rotate my ankles. Dave walks towards me and greets me with a slight grin. I hold my phone in my hand and jog on the spot. Will approaches us and says
'Alright?'

I pass a fiver over the counter and put a two-litre bottle of water and three bananas into a carrier bag. We walk towards the city hall. Someone’s shouting
'Woody! Woody!' I turn round and smile at an old mate,
'Alright mate how're you doing'?' He grins,
'Yeah alright thanks Woody, on your website last night,' how many people are reading my blog?
'Oh really? Danny Sheffield dot com?' He's like
'Yeah. It's alright innit?' Be humble.
'It's not bad, how did you hear about it?'
'Stanni told me,' Stanni has been on my website? There might be loads of people reading my blog and watching my videos. There might be a group of dedicated readers who visit my blog. Why don’t they leave any feedback? I blink twice,
'Okay mate, well I’ll catch you later,' I run up to Dave and Will.

I pull my skipping rope from my bag. I jump the rope as people walk past. They’re staring with bewildered expressions on their faces. I do squats. A kid shouts out
'What's he doing'?' I don't mind. I squat up and down. I eat my banana. I must eat healthier foods.

Dave and Will are trying to step from one house brick to another without making them fall over. I'm standing in a horse stance with a slight smile on my face. Maybe if I smile I can trick my body into thinking the pain is normal. I stand on one leg with my hands in the praying position. Will steps too hard and cracks the brick in half. My phone rings, Ben flashes up on the screen, I press the green button and tell him where we are. I cross my legs, put my hands in my lap, close my eyes and breathe in deeply.

Ben is drilling arm jumps to my right. I look left and see Shane vaulting over a rail. We do the Sheffield Parkour handshake. He says
'Sick' and I laugh out loud. I move slowly on my stiff joints. I jump over rails and climb over walls. Dave explains that he has to head off to Nottingham.

I'm running all over the place like an over exited squirrel. I run around the group of ten people. They are training together on one handrail. I jump into the air and adjust my posture. I land, bending my knees deeply then run off the wall. Everyone's joking around. I feel really good about being part of this crowd. Everyone's getting along and having a laugh.

We walk down the street. We all look in different directions like we're looking for a pet dog or something. Greg points towards a wall with three rails next to it.
'Here is a good spot,' I laugh. He sounds like Borat. I reply in my own Borat voice,
'Oh that is good my friend.'

Sophie holds her camera and Shane leaps onto a wall. I follow him, landing onto my palms then climbing up. I'm saying 'There's loads of stuff to do just there next to waitrose.' I look around. Ben, Sophie, Greg, a guy with a goatee beard, Shane and I are all moving around in this area.

Shane points out a cat pass to precision jump. I stare at the obstacle dreamily like it's an ice cream on a hot day. Shane runs up to the obstacle and lands short. I run up and land short. We take it in turns to run up to the obstacle. Shane hits the second wall with both feet and I clap and applaud. Shit, that means I have to do it.
'You just need speed, not power' Shane says and I stare at the obstacle. I run, vault the first wall and hit the second wall with both feet. I bounce back onto my backside and laugh excitedly. I try again and I land with two feet. I keep bouncing back.

I jump to a rail and stop on it with perfect balance. I try again and land with perfect balance. As we walk away from waitrose I tell the group
'That was by far the highlight of my day' with a big grin on my face. We walk up the hill towards the park.

Ben and I take our shoes and socks off. He lifts a chalk ball from his bag and hands it to me.
'Wipe this on your feet to stop them sweating,' I dab the ball onto the soles of my feet. We climb onto the first part of the wall. Shane is messing around with Sophie on a bench.

I'm putting my shoes back on. I'm smiling now but slouching. I'm so tired. Sophie, Ben and I walk onto the bus and take a seat. I stare out of the window. I turn towards Ben and Sophie
'I can't wait to get in the bath, it's been a really good session today.'

The Wrong Hands

I was talking to a guy in the changing rooms and he asked me if I had learned to kill anyone. When I told him that I hadn’t he told me it was bullshit and that all kung fu people do is kill people. I started to think about people’s preconceptions regarding martial arts.

A fist is something that we know as people to be something that is used to hit people. If somebody doesn’t study martial arts then they will use what little knowledge they have in a fight. Swinging a fist wildly at someone is a dangerous thing. It is also pointless.

Martial arts teach you what will happen when certain parts on the head and face are hit. In my opinion this knowledge will enable people to defend themselves without seriously hurting someone. If you know that it is dangerous to hit the nose for example then you can refrain from hitting someone on the nose. A potentially lethal strike to the temple can be avoided.

There are some people who will mistreat what they are learning in martial arts classes. These people will use what they know for more harm than good. They will beat people up with their skills and bully people. Knowing martial arts is a valuable tool and a great way to change your views and confidence. In the wrong hands it becomes a dangerous weapon.

Laying it Bare

Sometimes I say things when I'm exited that I regret later on. I say stupid things that come into my head and I act in a foolish manner. It seems like excitement causes me to forget myself just long enough for me to run my mouth.

I understand as people we build reputations for ourselves. People see and treat us on the basis of who they think we are. Act like an idiot and it's a good chance people will treat you like an idiot. If you have respect for people and you maintain self-respect then there's a good chance that people will respect you.

Sometimes people treat me in an off the cuff manner and I feel violated. I feel as if these people should show me more respect. I get through a stage of making sure people respect me. It all goes well and these people's behaviour towards me actually changes. I get exited. I start shouting and saying things I shouldn’t and it's an instantaneous change. People don’t say it. People might not even know it but they are changing the way they view you as an individual based on your actions. I realise the significance of earning respect now. It's a cycle that requires Maintenance.

I think about how my personality and confidence has changed over the past five years and it astounds me. I have the capacity to be arrogant. This is good for one reason. I have the confidence to be above myself. I'm not saying that being arrogant is a good thing. In fact I feel really guilty if I have been arrogant. I look at it as something to learn from. I'm always on the grind trying to become a more humble person. The fact that I get arrogant is because I'm more confident now than what I ever have been. Arrogance is like other negative emotions. It's something to keep an eye on and work on. With enough work I know I can get all arrogance out of my system.

My level of confidence has a lot to do with martial arts. I owe a lot to my teacher who has taught me more in a year than I could have ever hoped. Stress comes along or people get in my face and an amazing thing happens. No longer am I going quiet or getting so mad that I nearly cry. I'm finding myself being cool and calm. I get to a stage where I couldn’t care less how people are. It isn’t that I think I'm a hard man or that I can beat anyone. The simple fact is that I have no real fear of confrontation anymore. I remember being bullied at school. To grow into a man and have this level of confidence is amazing to me.

I have different lives. I am a different part of myself when I'm around different people. I'm a cool, laid back sort of guy when I'm with my girlfriend. I'm a random comedian who likes to give advice when I'm with my mates. I'm a calm levelheaded guy when I'm with family. I see the importance of having these different facets to life. I get a break from being a boyfriend when I'm with my mates. I get to lay myself bare and be intimate when I'm with my girlfriend. I get to be totally respectful and considerate when I'm with family. I know it is paramount that I keep these differences, as they are important to my development as a person.

I was with four people earlier. They were two couples. Something was bothering me the whole time I was with them and I couldn’t place it. It's now that I look back on it that I realise the truth. All people have these different facets to their life. These people are in relationship mode. Like the classic saying goes I was the gooseberry. I don’t like it when mates hang around when I'm with my girlfriend. I know now I should have just left them to it.

Sometimes when you're in situations where people don’t feel comfortable you get a vibe from people. You might read into this vibe and try to figure out how a person is feeling. Sometimes people might be tired or having a bad day. It’s good to figure people out when they're at their best. It's no good expecting a guy to talk about women and cars when he's with his girlfriend. He’s in relationship mode. This realisation has helped me in the sense that I don’t take offence if people are dry or cold towards me one day then lively and upbeat the next. Everyone has his or her own issues. It's human nature to be up and down.

There's something right at the back of my mind that I want to touch on. I have done my best to pour all my thoughts from today into this page. If there is anything missing from this I suppose it'll come out in the future. Sometimes it's great to write concepts down. You can look at the page and you either agree fully with what you're writing or you can put it down as a passing thought that should never take precedence again. It’s interesting to see the outcome.

Suspense

This is a short piece of creative writing I did for my own enjoyment. It's about a fictional character called Jimmy Watts.

He taps his index finger on the wooden table. He glances at the phone. Ring. He sighs and shuffles in his seat. He picks up the local paper and flicks through it.
'Rubbish,' he slaps it down onto the table.

The phone rings loudly. He jumps up, correcting his posture. 'Hello?'
'Hello, am I speaking to Mr Watts,' he slams the receiver down. I'll give you watts. The phone rings. His hand darts to the receiver and he eagerly lifts the handset to his ear. He pauses for a moment,
'Hello?'
'Mr Watts,' the same clothes peg on the nose tone. He drops the phone on its base and starts to hum. His fingers quicken as they tap the tabletop.

His eyelids come together and the phone rings, making him jolt upright. Flipping telemarketing. He lifts the receiver and listens silently. The confused voice says
'Jimmy, are you there man?' Bingo!
'Easy, what's happening?'
'Nothing much man, I'm outside,' Jimmy looks over his shoulder towards the coat hanging on the back of his bedroom door.
'Gimme five bro,'
'Safe.' He slips his coat on and picks up a half ripped packet of rizla. He opens the door. He slides down the banister and lands next to his trainers. He slips them on and tucks the laces into the trainer. Time to roll.

Strength Training

Since I developed jumpers knee I have been trying out different methods of training. I have been focusing on strength and endurance mainly. I worked hard today. I trained for around six hours. I worked on a lot of things from press-ups to walking on my hands and feet.

Everyone gathered round. People were trying out moves on the Hallam University. I did a little bit of parkour but I knew I had to rest my knee. The group moved on to the crucible. I watched as people did flips of all kinds. I felt like I had to train alone so that's what I did. I walked back to the Hallam.

I was really pushing my boundaries. I tried to put everything I had into each exercise. People passed by me but I was zoned in. I was gasping for breath and feeling drained of energy. Even though I felt tired I knew I was better than last week. I'm beginning to see an improvement in my levels of fitness.

I'm feeling strong on the inside and the outside. I find myself being a pillar of strength and dealing with stressful situations better. There's a period after rigorous exercise where I feel ill or tired. After this feeling wares off I start to feel great. I am going to continue my intense regime and hopefully I'll see some really great benefits from my hard work.

Sheffield Parkour Training Video Diary Four

Acceptance

I'm looking into the freezer. A woman carries a mop out of a storeroom. She shoots me a side-glance and holds it for a few moments. I walk down the isle. I place my basket on the counter. The woman makes eye contact with me as I'm lifting my money pouch from my bag. She asks me
'You're not putting anything in there are you, oh no it's full isn’t it.' I stop what I'm doing and look at her.
'Yea your mate just gave me a funny look, I don't know if it's what I'm wearing.' The woman with the mop walks past me.
'Yeah it's always like that with bags, that woman?'
'Yeah her'
'Oh she looks funny at everyone'
'Oh right.' She talks in an extra nice tone and explains that she's putting my shopping in three bags instead of two because they aren’t very strong. I thank her in a friendly voice. I'm walking to the door and the other lady chirps up; she talks in an extra nice voice too.
'Watch the floor love, it's slippery,' I thanks her and walk outside.

I get to thinking about personal appearance and I start to wonder just how superficial looks are. A lot of people say that it's what's on the inside that counts and I'd love to agree but I just don't believe it's true. People should be able to take you for who you are right? This is good human nature but it's not always the case.

I walk into a supermarket and I'm meeting my girlfriend for her birthday. I'm taking her out for a meal. While I'm paying for my electricity and taking my card from the guy behind the till I get a sharp surprise. There's this guy asking me if he can do me a favour. I'm thinking he wants to fight me or something. He doesn’t want to fight. He starts wiping his hand down the back of my suit jacket. He's asking me where I’ve been. I tell him I havent wore it in ages. He wipes the jacket clean and tells me it looks much better. I walk out of the shop astonished. Why was he so nice to me?

You've got the scenario of looking great. Some people, such as shop owners and families respect you because you look like the type of person who commands respect. I find that when I'm dressed well people naturally joke with me. Some people might shout remarks like they think I'm a gangster or a bad boy. Guys my age look at me like I think I'm something special. I often feel their stares and it comes as a shock.

I go out dressed in my training gear and people react differently. Guys my age look at me in a respectful way. They sometimes compliment me on what I'm doing. Families and shop owners look me up and down like I'm about to rob them.

The point I'm trying to highlight is that it does matter what you look like and how you dress. If a guy wants to go out and talk to women and maybe find a girlfriend he isn’t going to get far in paint stained jeans and a wrinkled T-shirt. It’s more likely that he will succeed in smart clean clothing. You cant please all of the people all of the time but we can think about how people will react to how we look.

When I go out, sometimes things happen like it did in the supermarket. I know now to take it with a pinch of salt. There's nothing wrong with me but there is something wrong with the way I'm presenting myself. I know that people will show me respect and it doesn’t really matter how I act just by wearing a suit. It’s the way the world works and the way people perceive you.

Sheffield Parkour Video Training Diary Three

Sheffield Parkour Video Training Diary Two