The 2nd Anniversary Jam

My alarm went off at six o'clock. I smiled and pressed snooze. I got out of bed and walked directly to the kettle. I switched it on. As the water boiled I ran the hot tap in the bath. I poured radox relaxing bubble bath into the shallow water. I got the biggest cup I could find and loaded it with two scoops of coffee. I grabbed a packet of hob nobs and carried my coffee into my bedroom. The light seeped through my curtains. I started doing external massage. I laid in the bath. The full packet of hob nobs sorted my hunger out. I knew I had about half an hour before I had to set off. I got my clothes together and started filling my bag with my belongings.

The air was still and it was quite cold. I walked to the bus stop with ideas of moves and places in my mind. I did a chi gung exercise at the bus stop I got my phone out and typed a short message to Charlotte. It read; as the sun creeps through the clouds I think of you and even though it's early I feel like smiling x x x.

I walked off the bus. My lower back was hurting. I figure I’d have to improve my posture. My phone rang.
'Danny it's Brad-'
'Brad I’ll be there at 9'
'We’re going for breakfast'
'Yeah so am I, I’ll be on the hallam at 9'
'Oh okay then we'll wait.' I walked past a window and took a quick glance at my reflection. I hardly recognised the frame of the muscular guy walking past.

I got there and I was alone. I started working on my kung fu forms. There was a woman filming me. I didn't mind. I felt a presence behind me. I turned and cocked my fist in the air. What appeared to be two hooligans turned out to be Brad and little Danny. I shook their hand and gave them a manly hug each. I explained that we had to wait for Shane. He was meant to be meeting me here at 9. We started to freestyle rap as we waited.

I decided that Shane might not be coming at ten past nine. Brad, Little Danny and I made our way to tiffany's cafe. Riccardo phoned me but all I could hear was beeping so I put the phone down. He kept ringing. He’s mocking me I thought. I'll let him play his childish games. I don't care. I started to resent the fact that Shane didn’t turn up but I didn’t mind. Today was going to be a great day.

I walked in the door to find Shane sitting with Riccy. My head boiled over. Not only was he making me wait at the opposite end of town he was getting Riccy to mock me by phone. I couldn’t look in their direction. They were both smiling.
'Why are you here?' I asked, 'this is not a philosophical life question, didn't you arrange to meet me at nine?'
'Yeah I said at the cafe. My anger boiled over. I knew it was obvious that I was angry but I couldn’t help feeling cheated. I sat down in a huff. I had an idea. I got my phone out to show Shane the text to prove him wrong. To my surprise it said meet at the cafe. I blushed and nearly slapped myself. I walked up to Shane's table and passed him my phone.
'Look, sorry man it was my fault, I read it while I was half asleep,' I felt stupid. Riccy asked me
'Have you been putting the phone own on me' I turned to him and said
'Yeah imagine trying to talk to someone and all you can hear is beep beep beep' he laughed.
'Yeah look at my phone, it constantly presses ones.' I felt even more stupid and apologised. I sat down. Even though they served me bacon and eggs I had to eat humble pie.

Alex was talking about dreams. It made me think of mine.
'I had a dream, it was weird' I continued. 'I was driving a red car through the countryside when I crashed into a ditch. There was me and some guy. We got to this old cottage in the middle of a flat field. The residents turned out to be zombies. We were running away but slowly, I was saying yeah this is scary, scary but funny' I laughed out loud. 'Next thing I know I'm telling my Mom about my new career path. I dreamt I was going to start earning thousands on Ebay, I might pursue it as a job actually,' I realised what was a silly dream could actually be a viable career path. The thought of me working on Ebay stuck with me. We left the cafe in high spirits. I knew everyone was buzzing about today. It was in the air.

The sky was blue, the ground was dry and the sun was bright. I started my warm up. I was doing chi gung. There were groups of people watching us train. A woman asked Alex what our team was called. He explained we were northern parkour. I was enjoying my chi gung. All else around me faded into the background. I focused inwards. People walked past. They came and went. I was engrossed in my breathing and visualisations.

The Odeon was packed full of activity. There were people of all ages drilling allsorts of different movements. Some were familiar faces. Some were people I’d never seen before. It felt really great to be a part of something as great as this. I was working on certain techniques. It had taken me two hours to finish my chi gung. I felt warmed up and ready to run wild.

A huge grey cloud covered half the sky. It looked bad. If it rained it could turn the whole jam day into a sham. Aaron accused me of cursing the weather with my positive attitude. I think he'd been singing in the bath before he came out and that's why the rain was coming. We decided to head to the park hill flats. Half the group were uninterested and made their way to the millennium galleries. We started to move and I could feel myself becoming elated. I'd not felt this exited in a long time. It was like being a kid again, only with nose hair and tattoos.

The park hill flats were full of fresh obstacles. I'd been up on my own before but new people saw new ways to move and different things to jump to. I went for a cat leap and slammed my knee into it. I danced round in a circle. Does it ever really make the pain any less intense? Riccy asked me what was wrong. I lied, telling him I was fine. Donald had his camera with him and kindly agreed to film some of my parkour. I'd meant to bring my camera but forgot in all the excitement.

We were all stood in a park when things got strange. There were hooded youths coming down from one staircase looking right at us. The block to my right had kids coming down that staircase. People panicked silently. I was ready to stand there and see what they'd say. Our whole group moved away from the young guys. To my left I could see a few of our group sprinting for the exits. I smiled and it was a big one. I didn’t run nor was I planning to. I looked back but they weren’t following us. I was laughing at the whole situation. Some people were obviously distressed by it all. I explained to Donald
'It's weird now I do kung fu, half of me's like oh no somethin' might happen, the other half's like yeah maybe I could test my skills.' I meant what I said but in my art I knew the smart thing was to walk away from conflict. We headed past ponds forge. We lost half our group with people running separate ways.

We did a lot of standing around and it was winding me up. I got to the point where I was snapping at people. I had to get out of this mind set. I set off to do some solo training. Shane led the group past super news. I ran in the opposite direction. It was fast like a bullet. My mind was free. I vaulted a wall then another. I made my way through terrain with well-practised moves. The wind was in my hair. I felt like nobody could touch me. I ran past people. I sprinted through the bus station. Smiling faces watched me run past. I took a giant circle then found Shane and the group. As soon as I stopped I became unhappy again and instantly frustrated so I ran again. I ran till my leg muscles burned and techniques were hard to do. I went round another full circle and found Shane and the gang. I still felt the niggling frustration. It was like doing nothing trapped me. I left the group and jumped walls, vaulted rails and overcame obstacles. I could feel my body getting tired. I was really tired. As the tired feeling took over me I headed back to the group. They were training next to a main road near the moor. I was calm. I felt like a different person. I'd taken all those negative emotions and put them into something. I'd given the obstacles my frustration leaving me with a clear mind and a calm head. I felt like a new person and I knew I could rest and be happy. I'd done my piece.

The numbers dwindled as people went home or ventured off to do other things. The few people who were regulars trained on a little patch of grass next to the bus station. The security guards from the bus station and the city centre ambassadors were lining up. I didn’t like the look of what I could see happening.
'They're fetching the police' Shane exclaimed. I knew I had to distance myself now. I had to go to a quiet corner and reflect. I said my goodbyes. Did the special handshake and headed into the bus station. I sat and read my book about martial arts. The security guards gave me these smug looks as they walked past. It was obvious I couldn't care less. It'd been a great day. I'd learned new things, met new people and reached new heights both physically and mentally. I got into my Nan’s car
'How's your day been Daniel’?
'Great thanks Nan, just great' the engine started and I left Sheffield full of great feelings and good memories.

Think of your Fitness First

I’m jogging past the petrol station. I’m late. Shane’s probably outside fitness first staring at his wrist right now thinking where is he? I see his bright yellow hair. It’s hard to miss. He gives me that smile where you squint your eyes and suck your cheeks in slightly. I’m like
‘Sorry man I got the wrong tram, then I had to wait for a tram back to the previous stop just to catch the right one.’ He’s not happy but what can I do? A fit woman greets us with a smile. I explain that we are here for our taster session and she leads us through to the lounge area.
‘There’s free drinks here plus tea or coffee, the showers are through there with free shower gel, make yourself comfortable and I will tell Catherine that you’re here’ She says. My heart dances in my chest.

‘Shane we’ve hitting the jackpot!’ I scream, we touch our glasses together and spill champagne into the Jacuzzi. The three gorgeous girls in skimpy bikinis are smiling and laughing at us as we tell jokes. A Justin Timberlake track plays loudly through the huge stereo. ‘Shane don’t ever say I’m not the man, free food, free foot massages and free drinks, haha!’ Shane grins as he steps out of the mud bath. I take the cucumbers off my eyes and head for the free towels.

I’m snapping out of my daydream as Catherine says
‘Hi guys just sign in here for me please,’ she hands us a clipboard and a pen. There are two Sheffield Wednesday players’ names on the board. It says SWFC next to their names. I write my mum’s house number down. Who’ll know?

I laugh out loud and point ahead of me,
‘Look Shane, it’s a machine that emulates climbing stairs!’ He laughs and gets the joke. We start on the rowing machines. We pulled like it was the tug of war grand nationals. I feel really warm and my biceps are aching. Next it’s the pedal boat machine. We run on the steepest incline and on the top speed of the running machine. We cycle for ten minutes on the hardest setting. The cross trainer wobbles like it’s about to fall over as I run it into the ground. Shane gives me a concerned look. I figure these machines are meant to be used to their limits. Who ever broke a gym machine? The question lingers in my mind as I realise that we can max out every machine in sight.

Next it’s time for weight machines. We work our abdominal, biceps, triceps, back, shoulder, thigh and pretty much every muscle groups in our body. Three more glasses of free orange juice go down a treat.

‘We’ve been training for four hours man, what shall we work on now?’ Shane turns to me and I can tell he’s tired.
‘Shall we stretch off?’
‘Sure,’ I feel like I can go on but I know four hours is a good work out. We stretch out in an upstairs room using a wall chart. It’s got pictures of a virtual man stretching with captions to tell you what the stretches are for. I feel great. ‘How about a burger? I don’t care about the calories I just do it for fun haha,
‘Sure’ Shane replies. I’m under the hot water lathering my hair up with the free shower gel. The changing room is like an episode of cribs. There’s muscle milkshakes in a cabinet. Advertisements. We walk past the desk. No point in getting someone’s attention just to let them know we don’t want to join. I notice a free sample of men’s shampoo and I’m tempted. The sensible part of me tells me I’m going too far and so I leave it.

Our eyes light up as we enter burger king. Shane’s telling me he’s a burger king virgin. I’m in disbelief as we make our way to the empty counter.
‘Did you used to work the doors in Sheffield?’ The man asks me the question and looks hopefully at me. Flashbacks shoot mental images at me. Bottles are flying through the air, blood is everywhere. It takes six guys to pin down the big fat guy who’s trying to fight someone. I shake my head as I say
‘No mate, well I did used to work at Hollywood bowl.’ He squints like he’s trying to remember something.
‘That might be it,’ he knows it’s not and I can see it in his eyes. We order a large meal each and the guy rushes round like we’re royalty. Ten out of ten for trying mate. ‘Why is your duty manager serving customers on his own?’ The question echoes in silence. He’s referring to himself in the third person. Shane and I joke around, he’s like
‘What’s your area manager doing on his own Jamie answer me this, do I have to dip your penis in the fryer again?’ I chuckle, making my own up
‘Yeah why is it that I’m here on my own Terry, don’t make me date yo sister, you know she’ll do it ‘cause she’s freaky like that.’ Shane nudges me and points to the drinks machine. He doesn’t get it. I’m in awe at how big it is then the area manager comes to the counter.
‘Have you had your drinks guys?’
‘No’ I state, confused at why he thinks we might have.
‘No obviously not’ he shouts, just loud enough for the kitchen staff to hear. For a split second it occurs to me that this guy might be alone. Maybe he’s pretending to have staff working for him. He passes us two cups and thanks us. We return the favour.

The hats fit on the top notch. So Shane and I are in burger king and we’re sporting golden kings hats. The conversation turns from women to love bites. I’m trying to explain why they are just for fourteen year olds. Shane tells me about the ones on his nipple. I cringe at the thought.

The gentle nudging of the bus creates a lulling sensation and every thirty seconds or so I wake myself up with a surprised gasp. My eyelids are heavy. The workout hits me in full force. I feel glad as I’m stepping off the bus, the fresh air makes me realise what day it is. All I want to do is get in, lay in bed and go to sleep. It may be half eight but I’m getting some hard earned rest.

Frustration

So you’re feeling frustrated. It’s like you’ve got negative energy and no way to release it. You reach a stage where you start to resent people. You somehow persuade yourself that your frustration has something to do with them. You look deeper and realise the truth. If you’re trapped you realise you can find ways to feel free. Life has obstacles to overcome. There’s a lesson to learn in ever situation. Something clicks in your mind and you’re like a train with no driver. You go down the tracks but you don’t realise what you’re saying and what your doing. When the train stops after running for miles you can look back. You can see where things need changing. The errors of your ways seem clear. Suddenly you’re seeing the distinction between strife and frustration. Getting past it isn’t easy. Once you do get past it it’s like a great weight lifting from your soul.

Steel City Motion (The Meditation Edit)

The Noodle Inn

I moaned out loud with pain. I'd been in the tail for nine minutes. My back was tensing up. It was painful. I was told to get lower by Jimmy. I tried to dip down. My body didn’t want to do it. I had to follow David's steps but my legs didn't seem to want to work. I endured the pain as David bumped into me. I knew I was having an off day. The drums stopped and I came out of the lion's tail. I was dripping with sweat. Everyone looked at each other like I'd made up a new dance. I put it down to the flexibility training I’d done before the dance. In my last class I didn't do any of that and I was fine.


We went for a meal after the class. As I walked into the restaurant I smiled at the name. It was called the noodle inn. We sat down and James said
'The portions are big here' and I grinned.
'Big portions are my thing' I proclaimed. There were four of us and we sat down at a clean table. James poured the tea and tapped his index finger down on the table. I looked at him, puzzled. He explained to me that
'When you're eatin' and someone pours your tea you tap your finger on the table.' I clicked on,
'Oh as a sign of respect?'
'Yeah as a sign of respect.’ James recommended the 3 roasties meal with something called Ho fun. He explained that Ho Fun was made out of rice and that the 3 roasts were duck, pork and chicken. I agreed and we placed our order. James poured more jasmine tea into the milk white cups. He told me that it is etiquette in Chinese culture to poor tea in the order of people’s age. You start with the oldest first and work down before finally pouring yourself a cup. I tapped the table with my index finger.

The bowl came and my mouth was half open. My eyes got big and I took a deep breath. It was the biggest bowl I’d ever seen in front of me. There was a large soupspoon in the bowl and a pair of chopsticks. We started to eat. My fingers were aching,
‘The mandible dexterity required to eat this dish is ridiculous’ I joked, laughing out loud. It was the first time I’d been out and ate with chopsticks. I got used to it after w while. The generous chunks of meat tasted delicious and the Ho fan was really tasty.

It took an hour to eat half the dish and by that time I was ready to admit defeat. We had gone through more than three pots of jasmine tea and everyone had finished but me. The complimentary deserts were brought out to the table. I finally crumbled under pressure and pushed my bowl to one side. The desert smelled like porridge although it was a Soya dish. It tasted like sweet porridge.

We walked out into the cold air and thick flakes of snow fell from the sky. I bowed, putting my left palm over my right fist as a sign of respect. I told the guys that it had been a great occasion. I turned around and walked down the road. The snow was cold and I could feel the wind on my wet knuckles. I had to walk ten minutes for my bus. It was a welcome trip. I could think about the day and what I’d learned.

Wild Horses (How To Train Vol.1)

Great Visions, Bad Dreams

You’re walking out into the fresh air and fulfilment seems to linger in your soul. It’s like you’re walking on air. It’s easy to smile and you find yourself laughing for no reason at trivial things. It’s like all those big bad things that you usually worry about don’t exist. For a time it’s like enlightenment. You feel like love is helping you lift your spirits.

Your confidence improves and stress seems like a breeze to handle. You think about that person and you see yourself with them doing great things and having a fantastic time. When you’re in this zone that person can cure anything. It’s like when you see them the world takes a step back. Time stands still. You pass through hours like it was one. When they touch you it sends cold shivers up your spine. You know that the sex is great and the connection in genuine.

At some point you’re mulling over why things have to be the way they are. Why did they do it? What’s wrong with you? Suppose you treat that someone great. You give them your heart your soul and they take it away and burn it. Suppose every time you see that person you get tense and you find it hard to stray off menial topics of conversation. You smile with your teeth together as they tell you about their ‘new love.’ In your heart you want to let your anger out. They’ll never be happy. All they will ever do is cheat and lie. You stay at home and put on weight because you’ve got no energy to do exercise. What’s the point in living without them? Fancy one night you pick up a knife and tease the inside of your wrist with it. It rolls over the skin like a spoon against rubber. Five chafing strokes and the red sea opens. The pain goes into something better. It masks the pain away. Every emotion is tingling and new. Now you don’t have to mull over the break-up. Maybe you get the pills, pop them into your mouth and each time think up a new reason why she’s the one for you. There’s no one else you think as your eyes go from wide open to half closed. Maybe this is what the world looks like when you turn the lights off. Your thoughts are getting quiet and far away. One last whisper tells you it’s meant to be.

The light hurts your eyes. You can feel the pain in the back of your sockets. You look around and thank god you’re in your bedroom and not some hospital bed. You’re having the weirdest dream of your life. As you sit up you find it hard to concentrate. One or two things from your night out creep into your memory. You lick your lips. Bacon seems like a good idea, bacon and fresh orange. You wipe you eye. It’s damp with tears. You laugh out loud and slide on your slippers. Your partner walks in,
‘How would you like your eggs’?
‘Sunny side up’ you never could resist their sweet nature. You walk down your stairs loving the fluffy carpet beneath your feet. That's the thing about dreams. They aren’t real. Things in your dream represent things but they aren’t to be mulled over in great detail. You smile across the table. ‘I just had the most bizarre dream.’

Lion Dance at the Blades

I’d said about ten words as we got out of the car. The lion head was put on top of the drum. The drum was on wheels. I breathed deep into my gut in a hope for clarity of thought. I was physically fine. No butterflies. I knew I was anxious because my mouth was dry and I was subdued. My head was clear and I was focused in on what I had to do. I was about to be thrown in at the deep end and there wasn’t a great deal of things I could have done to make it easier.

We were led into a room like a storage yard. Jimmy got the suitcases and bags on a pile. The bags were full of brightly coloured clothes. Everyone got a suit from the pile. I slipped the bright yellow and gold trousers over my feet. The fur felt like string. The yellow T-shirt was a bit too small for me. The black sash around my waist completed the look.

I knew that any moment we’d be called on in front of hundreds of people but it all seemed fabricated. It was like a dream only I knew it was very real. My legs were taking me, dragging the drum across the football pitch. I knew the drums would start soon, it reminded me of the Chinese community centre.

My Sifu peter Allsop had talked about lion dancing. He’s had a great admiration for Chinese culture. He went and helped with the performances. It was all done for charity. The lion dances and is supposed to bring good luck and prosperity to the place. Usually it would be a new Chinese restaurant or a Chinese function of some sort. It was traditional to have a lion dance. I’d been for one lesson when I first started doing kung fu but I didn’t really believe I was up to it. After a year of doing kung fu, reading kung fu and quite literally breathing kung fu I knew I was ready to join properly.

I felt ready but in no way prepared. I thought back to that one lesson I’d had about a week before in the Chinese community centre and I could remember two basic principles. When the leader (whoever is in charge of the lion’s head) scraped his foot three times whichever foot he scraped that’s the way you rolled. When the leader sat down the lion was sleeping, I’d be in the tail and I’d have to walk round first to the left then to the right.

I’d been doing parkour earlier in the day when I got the call from Jimmy saying that the show was on. My body felt weak from training and I was nervous. I smiled and watched as the lion cavorted round after Jimmy, who was dressed as the Buddha. The drums banged, the symbols shook and the gong clanged. Together they made a rhythmic beat for the dancer to follow. I knew some of the routines. The lion looked around, bowed three times then went to sleep. I knew that I’d have to go into the suit soon. Oh why cant I just go in now and get it over and done with. I reckoned that as soon as this was over I was due to feel great.

One dance finished and Jimmy signalled David and me to start dancing. David took the head and I got in the tail. All you’ve got to do is follow David’s footwork I told myself. I persuaded myself that I knew what I was doing and half made myself believe that this was going to be easy. For a moment it was like being a kid again, making tents in your room. The beat drowned out and all I could see and feel were David’s feet. I waltzed round after them. He knew what he was doing. I knew I had to copy his moves. I didn’t feel very flexible. Something told me I should have warmed up. I was getting exited as I started to realise that this was an enjoyable dance. At that moment the beat, which was now a backdrop I could hear stopped. I poked my head out of the suit and the whole crowd cheered enthusiastically. I helped walk the drum off the pitch and I felt great. I had a beaming smile on my face as we reached the storage room. My elated feeling levelled out when David explained that we were going to do another show.

I hadn’t been to a footballs stadium since I was around ten years old and it was a bizarre experience for me. It’s something I’d attached stigma to like the whole football scene was somehow scary. I was enjoying the crowd reactions and the game was pretty good. We chatted amongst ourselves. Sheffield united had bought a Chinese team. Here they were in yellow playing the blades reserve team. I tunnelled out at one point to a stage where I didn’t need to talk. My mind took over and I could think clearly for the first time in hours.

I was itching to go and I was delighted when Jimmy told me to get into the costume. We were walking the lion round the stadium. It was actually really physically demanding. My legs ached but the more I did the more warmed up I felt. I followed David. Some time’s he’d stop to put a foot on the barrier. He skipped and I had to think sharp. His legs weaved over each other and he switched between martial arts stances that were all familiar to me. I was aching when someone tapped me on the back and I passed the tail on. The lion walked back along the row we’d just danced through. I was told I needed to shake my ass more; it would make the lion look livelier. I also needed to wave my hands to make it look like the lion was breathing. I knew that I’d get better as time went by and that this was my first time. The lion stopped and danced at the halfway line. I was called in again to dance as the tail. I started to get really into it and I smiled because it was really fun. I shook the lion’s ass and waved my arms so it’d breathe. The drums stopped. The crowd cheered. I saw the guy in front of me lower the head so I popped my head up from the tail. Everyone’s cheers warmed my heart and whatever anxiety I did have turned to rewarding satisfaction. It had gone really well and the crowd seemed to love it. We walked back to our dressing room and the smile on my face was making my cheeks hurt. I couldn’t wait for the next time I’d get to dance as the lion.

Traceur's Block

I started off feeling pretty tired. I got my money pouch around my waist and threw my bag in a bush. It’ll be safe there I said to myself. I started very slowly. Obstacles confronted me. It was my mission to pass through them fast. There was a rail, my hands gripped round it and my body glided over it. I landed and smiled. It was the first obstacle and it felt good. I knew there’d be many more.

I was manoeuvring over any obstacle that came in my path. Some I missed because I didn’t feel 100% about overcoming them. I went on a familiar route. I’d been on this exact run before. I did the exact same techniques but aimed to get them better each time. People stopped and stared but I wasn’t bothered one bit. I lined up for a cat leap. A black woman with a little boy shouted
‘Don’t jump.’ I’ll admit they were putting me off so I stopped for a moment. I breathed deeply into my gut and stared at the wall facing me. The little boy was yelling
‘Don’t do it you idiot’ and it was starting to get on my nerves but I never let on. I breathed in one last time and jumped. The wind rushed past my body. For a moment I was flying. I was in thin air and it was like floating. I hit the wall in to a cat leap position and the little boy screamed ‘He made it!’ I walked like a cat long the top of the wall and dropped to the floor. I started a set out run. The adrenaline in my system was motivating me to move faster. I stopped dead next to the peace gardens, turned around and went back on myself. I told myself there were not enough obstacles here. I took a different route.

I ran down the busy city centre street and dash vaulted a bin. I jumped over a concrete block and precision jumped onto a bench. I heard a guy asking a woman
‘What’s that supposed to be then?’ I ran on taking all the obstacles I could find. I felt great as I turned onto the cathedral. I used the bricks on the wall to hold my body weight in and my feet were on a thin ledge. My fingers were tense, I moved slowly along the wall. I dropped to the floor, slapping it with my hands before running off.

I was at my favourite spot, the Sheffield interchange. I vaulted over a rail and I was about to0 jump onto a metal pillar when two women walked past. I had to stop. I tried to jump after they walked past. I couldn’t bring myself to jump. I tried again but my body wouldn’t co-operate. I stepped off the edge of the rail. Taking breath deep into my gut I tried to relax. I took deep breaths. I got back on. Again I couldn’t just. It was like trying to talk but nothing coming out. I tried to envision myself doing the move but the picture in my minds eye wasn’t right. I could see myself hitting the obstacle and falling off. I tried to change the image to the correct technique but this time I imagined slipping on take off. I got off again and focused my breath into my balls. I got back on but my body felt cold. My feet seemed to be wet and I didn’t feel in the zone. I stepped off and shook my head. I moved away quickly. As I vaulted over a rail I nearly fell off. I knew at this point it was time to stop. I knew that if you couldn’t do the technique then waiting for another day was a good idea. You’d feel ready to do the move when the time was right.

I got my bag from the bush and slipped my jacket over my shoulders. The bus pulled in and I got on. My head was clear and my soul felt like it was still and calm. I felt fulfilled. I sat back and I couldn’t wait till next time.

Binge Drinker to Clear Thinker

He sits in the dark room and watches as people dance and shout. Everything merges into one colourful blur. The alcohol makes its way into his system and thoughts come and go. There are attractive women dancing in skimpy outfits and guys challenging each other to drinking contests. He sips the lager from the large bottle and smiles. Something in his mind tells him he shouldn’t be here. It would be more productive to be at home writing or working out. He knows that it’s the social norm to get pissed but he’s aware that this isn’t healthy. When he wakes up in the morning he will feel ill. His eyes will have bags under them and he might be sick. That’s the curse of the hangover.

When he stays sober it’s a whole different ordeal. He looks on like the party is a television programme. People start of enthusiastic. They down their pints and their Alco pops, laughing and joking. Next comes the volume control. People get progressively louder as they drink. He realises that different people go different ways. By the end of the night Jill cries because her friends don’t like her. Bill is starting a fight over a drop of beer on his shoe. Jerry is telling all the guys that he loves them. Terry is trying to grab Shelly’s breasts and Shelly keeps moving away from him. She moves to the next seat, Terry is following her. It’s like because she’s drunk she has no real control over herself. She tries to say no but it doesn’t seem like she’s too bothered.

There’s sick on the kitchen floor. Someone’ making a tower out of beer cans. Being the sober one he walks through the party and looks for some kind of mental stimulation. There’s no point in making conversation now. After three hours no one makes sense. It’s irrational doubt or overly enthusiastic happiness. What he wouldn’t do for another person who isn’t drinking. So he makes his way to the buffet table and sighs. He loves spending time with his friends but right now he wishes he were in bed. When his friends drink at parties they’re no longer people he knows. People start to flake out and the whole house resembles a murder scene. There are people sprawled out all over the place. The people that are walking and talking seem like zombies. Their eyes stare into nowhere. They shout when there’s no need to. He sits back and watches. Some people are dancing, others are arguing.

Anytime that he drinks it’s like he’s entering the party world. It’s a strange place where beer can be a topic of conversation for extended periods of time. Jokes about beer go down well. Everyone looks at him like he’s part of the gang. It gets stranger. He feels tipsy and he’s able to say things that usually he thinks twice about. This has a plus side and a negative side. Now he’s losing all inhibitions. Some time’s there are things that you should keep to yourself. Now everything comes out of him. He tells people what he thinks of them. He comes onto girls he finds attractive. In the morning he’ll wake up and regret everything that happens after the third bottle of beer. Right now everything’s great and the party is kicking. Emotions are amplified. Music seems like a new reality. The base line goes through his souls and all faces look approachable.

He’s waking up and looking out of the window. The light makes his eyeballs hurt and he squints. He puts his head down onto the pillow. His head is alive with memories from a drunken state. His heart freezes. He remembers parts of the night and as consciousness calls the picture becomes clear. The story unfolds like a horror movie.

He’s got his palms on terry’s chest. Terry is trying to knock Billy out for calling his girlfriend a slag. The girl is winding Terry up like she wants the guys to fight. He becomes the brunt of the argument as Terry hits him in the nose then lunges for Billy. The whole room erupts with people trying to shout louder that the other. Terry’s voice can be clearly heard,
‘I’ll fuckin’ kill ya man, you talk about my bird like that.’ Billy is so drunk he isn’t replying to the threats, he peers out of his puffy eyes and sways on the spot. In another room Cheryl sits in the bath crying that no one likes her. Bob is the sensitive guy who tries to comfort her. Her cries are only just loud enough to hear as the stereo is blasting out dance music. It’s like a mental home and drunken madness is the symptom.

He feels his face; his nose is swollen and sore. He hardly recognises himself in the mirror. He vows never to drink again. In the back of his mind he knows that all people say this the morning after. There’s cigarette buds on the sofa. There are cans on the double bed. People wake up with a type of temporary amnesia. Those who can’t remember the party say it’s a great night. Those who can don’t want to talk about it.

Now when he goes out he has one pint and leaves it at that. He usually steers clear of parties and places that serve alcohol. Now he’s a happy person. People who drink excessively and eat kebabs call him a health freak but he doesn’t care. He’s got no desire to be part of the drinking world. To him it’s just a crazy thing. He hates being in town when the revellers hit the bars and clubs. He’s thinking clearly. His wallet is fatter, the 70 quid that he usually blows on Friday night goes on clothes or food. He’s looking sharp and feeling great. People look at him differently. They have more respect for him. Most young people say it’s not normal but he doesn’t really care what they think. He’s enjoying life. He’s happy in the knowledge that life doesn’t begin with Five pints and 4 shots. This type of clarity enables him to be more productive. Life is great. Alcohol isn’t important.